Creative Control
How much control do we actually have in life?
Whether we want to admit it or not, control is a central aspect of all our lives. Most of our lives are spent in a quest to gain control over our lives, ourselves, our destiny, our environment, our careers, and even our relationships. As artists and creatives, we strive for “creative control” over our work. We want control over the style, the presentation, the selling price, and often, even the ultimate ownership of the work.
Most of us, in the Western world, have been raised on some version of the philosophy embodied in the final lines of William Ernest Henley’s poem, Invictus:
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
Our society constantly tells us that we are, or should be in control of our lives and destinies, and that we only have ourselves to blame if we are not. Even the bible, while apparently placing ultimate control, firmly in the hands of God, also clearly states that humans have absolute free-will — i.e. freedom of choice.
My life, over the past twenty years or so, and particularly more recently, has lead me to question what I thought I knew about control.
- How much control do we really have over our lives?
- Is it truly possible for us to control our lives at all, or do we just like to think that we do, because it gives us the illusion of safety?
Psychologists tell us that things like OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), hoarding, over-shopping, and even gambling are all attempts to control the world around us. One doesn’t need a degree in psychology to know that none of the above are healthy responses. Yet we all, to some extent, believe that we control our lives far more than is possible.
The biblical story of Job, is all about a good guy, who thought that he could control not only his own life, but that of his family too. Job thought that if he did all the right/good things, he would automatically reap all the right/good universal responses. Job believed strongly in cause and effect, on a grand scale. Job thought he could control the uncontrollable.
Job, like so many people today, thought that everything would work out ‘’right’’ for him and his family, as long as he was hard working, honest, God-fearing, and socially responsible. In this, we can all identify with Job to some extent. When things go unexpectedly wrong, we rail against God, the universe, the government, or even luck. Surely, planting good seed, guarantees a good harvest?
Job though, was clearly shown that even good people suffer, often through no fault of their own. Job was clearly shown that individual behaviour does not, and can not perfectly control external circumstances. Even the best agriculture suffers from floods, drought, pestilence, etc.
The story of Job says clearly, that we can only control our own responses — emotionally, spiritually, and behaviourally. Furthermore, the story just as clearly tells us, that those responses do not necessarily control anything other than ourselves.
I’ve been riding motorbikes for over forty years, and still ride almost every day. In fact, I don’t even own a car at the moment. It’s not too surprising, therefore, that I love watching motorcycle racing. The MotoGP and Superbike riders never fail to awe me with their skills.
But then, there’s speedway racing. I’ve been watching speedway for years, and it still blows my mind every time. Speedway seems to break all the rules of “normal” motorcycle riding. To the uninitiated, it looks absolutely chaotic, and out of control. The “givens” of normal biking, like maintaining traction with the riding surface, braking for corners (speedway bikes have no brakes), or keeping your bike aligned with the direction of travel, are not part of speedway.
For most of each race, the back wheel of the motorcycle is next to, rather than behind the rider, and maintains only a rather tenuous grip on the dirt track. Even to me, as an experienced biker, speedway riders more often than not, look out of control, or at least nearly so.
However, watch for a while, and you’ll realise that they must actually be masters of control. Speedway riders obviously perceive, define, and exercise control in a completely different way to other bikers.
That got me thinking about control in general. Do these masters of control, within seeming chaos, know something about control that we don’t? Can they control the uncontrollable?
No, they cannot control the uncontrollable. For all their biking super-powers, they are still humans, living in the same world as we do. However, as to the first question, the answer is a resounding yes. Speedway riders have definitely learned something about control that most people have not.
For all their mastery of self-control, speedway riders are also painfully aware (often literally), and accepting of the multitude of elements outside of their control. For instance, one rider‘s momentary loss of control can impact (again, literally) the control of all the other riders. The dirt track, on which races take place, changes dynamically during an evening’s racing. This provides unpredictable challenges to riders already living on the ragged edge of control.
A speedway rider knows that s/he can really only control himself, and the extension of herself, the motorcycle. But then, we all know that our own bodies let us down sometimes, not to mention the mechanical extensions of them, such as motorcycles. So, even this control is not perfect.
So, control in the real world is very much like speedway racing. We can only control ourselves, imperfectly, to the best of our ability. Aspects, such as environment, other people, and even our own weakness, can only be expected, and allowed for, not controlled.
At times, life, like speedway, may look and feel chaotically out of control. In fact, life, like speedway, works best if we are not trying to control the uncontrollable. Life, like speedway, works best when we focus on controlling the controllable — our selves.
However, in life, like speedway, even if we perfect our self-control, there will still be things that will blind-side us, and possibly, take us out of the game. Sometimes, what lets us down, is ourself.
So, if we cannot reliably control ourselves, let alone the world around us, do we really have any control at all?
I’m willing to bet that your first response to my answer will be happy one. Yes, there is an area of life in which we have total control. Your response to what I’m about to say, however, may be somewhat less happy.
The only area in which we have total control in life, is how we choose to respond — in feeling and/or action — to any given situation.
I cannot control what happens to me. I can only control my response to what happens to me.
Control, or at least feeling in control, is really important to all of us. Why then, do we cede control of our only controllable area of life, so readily, to other people?
When last did you say something like, ‘’You made me angry.”, “You made me sad.”, or even, “You made me happy.’’? We say things like this all the time, telling others that they control the only thing over which we truly have control. In doing so, we lie to ourselves, and cede control of ourselves to someone else.
In reality, nobody can “make” you or I do, or feel anything. We can only choose our response. In other words, I “decide” to get angry, sad, happy, etc. I am in total control of my response to any and all stimuli.
Our “you made me” language is really just an excuse for giving away, and/or failing in our single area of total control.
People do things, and we decide on a response. So, we decide to respond with anger, sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, or hopefulness.
My reaction, whether emotion or action, is entirely my choice, because this is the one thing over which I have total control.
Scary, isn’t it? We spend so much of our lives striving to control things we cannot, and then refuse to accept responsibility for the one thing we can control. Even if someone holds a gun to my head, they cannot “make” me do anything — the choice, while quite possibly lethal, is nonetheless, wholly mine.
To tell you the truth, I’m battling even to write this, as the full impact of what I’m saying sinks in, and I attempt to apply it to my current life situation.
I’m going to start bringing this to a close now, and I’ll try to draw together some practical application. Fortunately, the practical application of this truth is as simple as it is terrifying. (to me, at least)
- Stop trying to control areas of life that you cannot control. Acknowledge that everything other than your responses are outside of your ultimate control. While there may be times when we can exert some control, or seem to, it is unreliable, as we well know.
- Take responsibility for that one are of life that you can fully control — your responses. Take the energy that you’ve been expending on trying to control other people, circumstances, the future, etc., and apply it to controlling your responses to life.
- Stop using language that cedes control of your responses to others. Instead of saying, “You made me angry/sad/happy.”, say something like, “You did/said XYZ, and I choose to feel angry/sad/happy about that.”
- Stop blaming. If none of us can fully control the infinite variables of life, then who is there to blame, really? (yes, you may think of some possible exceptions)
The only person who can, logically be blamed for anything, is the one in total control. Since I am in total control of my responses should I blame myself for failure?
Of course not! Blame is not only illogical in most circumstances, but also destructive in all circumstances. Blame is merely the fear of taking responsibility for that which I can control.
I’ve been working on this post for months. I’ve found it, and am still finding it, an incredibly challenging process. I hope that you all find it similarly challenging, and helpful.
As usual, please recommend (click the heart, below), like, comment, argue, add to the discussion, and share. Thanks.
