5 Mostest Upsetting Things from Donald Trump’s Press Conference

“They were on a break” asserted Mr. Trump at a recent press briefing. Photo: Reuters/Kevin Lamarque

I know a lot of people, like me, were left scratching their heads after today’s press briefing, trying to make heads or tales of the misinformation (I’m not going to say lying because, like NPR, I cannot assume intent). Now while I am relatively new to political reporting and don’t claim to know all the nuances of what the President said and did, I took a stab at tackling some of the most shocking assertions and claims made during the briefing. Here they are:

Trump denied using self-tanner

As a burgeoning investigative journalist I was encouraged to see reputable media outlets such as HuffPo dig deeper into the controversies surrounding a recent event that took place during Canadian Prime Minster Justin Trudeau’s visit to the White House in which a gust of wind exposed Mr. Trump’s ill-blended forehead. I admit I was then of course disheartened to hear the leader of the free world openly deny ever using an artificial self tanner. As images clearly show, the fake tan line can only be a result of sloppy bronzer applicator, and yet our President openly contradicts these claims. We want the truth, Mr. President.

Trump claimed that Taylor Swift is an excellent live performer

When asked about Ms. Swift’s abilities as a live performer, Trump initially said “I like her music; I think she’s very talented,” which I don’t think anyone would disagree with as Ms. Swift is a very talented songwriter and vocal recording artist. However, when pressed by a Virginia-based, tween blogger on Ms. Swift’s abilities specifically as a live performer, his answer was “She’s great. She hits every note and is one of the most tremendous singers I know. Huge fan.” Visibly stunning the young blogger and myself, this startling claim is not only false, but directly misleads the people of the U.S. and should be redacted immediately.

Trump asserted that Ross and Rachel were, in fact, on a break

While speaking directly to a reporter from an I Love the 90s spinoff blog, Trump upheld the ridiculous idea that Ross Geller and Rachel Green from beloved TV’s Friends were indeed on a break, giving clemency to Ross’s affair with guest star what’s her face that played that home wrecker Chloe. This is just fucking ridiculous. Just because someone’s on a break does NOT mean you go sleeping around with every hussy you encounter on the sidewalk. Was Mark at Rachel’s apartment? Yes, but that doesn’t give him the right to ASSUME that he was there to have sex with her and thus grant him the right to do the same! It’s just a ludicrous position and I demand the President of the United States uphold a higher moral standard.

Trump said the dress was white and gold, not black and blue

This is just absurd. Have you seen the dress? IT’S SO CLEARLY BLACK AND BLUE I CAN’T EVEN. Ugh. We need a president who can keep the American public informed with truths, not alternative facts.

Trump thinks Justin should have won season 1 of American Idol

If you voted for Trump, this is the man you elected president. Do you realize the man you voted for would prefer a world without “Stronger?” Wrapped in Red? “MISS INDEPENDENT?” This complete lack of judgment shows that what happened today is not a one-off event orchestrated by the GOP but is rather indicative of a much more sinister bias that governs Mr. Trump’s ideology. I shudder to think of the world he wants to create, and what role Ms. Clarkson will play in it.

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