Anxiety that comes from the family
Anxiety is a challenge for every individual, especially for myself. Why? because the anxiety that is in my mind can reduce my enthusiasm to do something that is the purpose of my life. Worrying can be my biggest distraction from doing productive things.
The reason why I procrastinate is because of feelings of anxiety and worry about the decision I’m making, whether it’s a good decision or a bad decision, whether it’s a meaningful decision or a meaningless decision. Sometimes, I feel, anxiety shuts me down from dreaming big.
I’ve been lately, routinely looking for ways to keep myself from worrying. I started reading a lot of books about personal development, self-improvement, human behavior, and others. I started reducing my social media consumption. I started setting the right sleep schedule. I started doing things that could give me answers to abstract questions like I started journaling regularly to get to know myself better.
I’m currently doing my thesis research to end my college years. Sometimes I feel anxious. anxious for fear of not being able to finish it on time. Anxious because I’m worried that the people around me will laugh if I don’t finish my thesis on time, maybe they will laugh at the suffering that I feel. sometimes I’m sad. sometimes I’m overthinking. But, I can’t be sad anymore. I can’t be comfortable in sadness. I must be enthusiastic to complete this final task.
I only have 2 months left to finish my thesis, while the data collected has not yet reached 50 percent. I’m feeling anxious. I’m feeling worried. and my head is often illusioned whether I can finish this thesis on time. — My parents also often ask the same thing as the illusion formed in my brain, when will this final project be finished? when did you graduate? when did you get the title? etc.
Here I’m talking about the anxiety that comes from the family. Anxiety can come from anywhere. It can be from your work environment, it can be from your friendship, and it can be from your family. — at this time, I feel anxiety from the family.
My mother had high hopes for me, that I was expected to be someone useful in the future. that I was expected to be happy with myself. that I am expected to live my life with confidence, courage, and truth. Of course, the hopes my mother had of me, were visionary ones.
I don’t want to disappoint my mother for what I have done. I don’t want to disappoint my mother for what is my life decision. Currently, I am a student, and in the final year of student status, I am grateful that while I was in college, I got a scholarship that could reduce my mother’s burden. I’m thankful that I can do side jobs that sometimes earn money. I am grateful that my mother always supports me in everything.
But, from that visionary hope, sometimes my mother seemed to worry me. I don’t know what that means. Is it the anxiety that is given to make me more enthusiastic about doing something or the anxiety that is given because of her feelings of disappointment because she will worry if I don’t graduate on time? I don’t know.
But in this writing, I’m honest with myself, I will do everything that’s best for my mother, and do everything that’s best for my family.
I’m not a weak person who gives up easily. I am a strong, brave, confident person, and have a spirit to do good and be consistent.
I should be able to get rid of all the anxiety that is in my brain. I have to be able to always think positively about what I have done. I can’t decrease myself. I can’t let anxiety dissolve into sadness. I have to keep fighting to continue what I have decided today, I have to complete this final college assignment with enthusiasm, not complaining, and self-confidence.
God help me, Mother, please pray for me, and my family, please be patient. surely I will be able to finish this thesis on time.
Thank you for reading my daily journal today, see you in my next daily journal.
