Confessions Of A Married Woman

Ronni Swintek
Nov 7 · 6 min read

Authenticity Vs Plasticity

Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for LACMA

So, the nicest movie star in the world Keanu Reeves has a girlfriend.

I know, many of you may be tearing up now, but it’s important that we be happy for him. He deserves to be happy, he’s one of the good guys.

The most shocking part of this news, according to the rest of the world, is that his girlfriend (a former longtime friend and business partner) is what some people have termed ‘age appropriate’. Alexandra Grant (that’s her name) is 46, Keanu is 55. I know, you a reeling in horror right now.

You are thinking ‘No, that can’t be right. A major Hollywood movie star going out with a woman who is only 9 years his junior, that can’t be true?’

We are so conditioned and used to the Michael Douglas 75 years to Catherine Zeta’s 50. Harrison Ford 77 to Calista Flockhart’s 54. George Clooney 58 to Amal Clooney 41.

The other thing is that Alexandra is not an actress either. More shock and horror. Alexandra is an artist.

And what’s really going to blow your noodle is that she doesn’t seem to be plastic. What? I hear you say.

Alexandra has grey hair, doesn’t appear to have any plastic surgery or botox and judging by her arms doesn’t seem to have the chicken wing arms of Madonna either.

I have got to say, I am thrilled. I am thrilled that this woman is happy to be who she is, what she is and not some bimbo that seeks attention because of how she looks.

Seriously, what a breath of fresh air.

And this is why we love Keanu even more. He is attracted to a woman who is real and confident in herself and who is by the way beautiful without all the other accoutrements.

The media and social media trolls, initially thought Alexandra was older and were huffing and puffing about this.

So what? Do we give a crap when a guy dates a younger woman?? Never. What a double standard that is, right?

I love the fact that Keanu’s GF is happy to be a la natural.

I was having a discussion with a 40 year old male friend of mine recently about what has happened to women in the last two decades? We’ve lost the feminism ideals that our past Sisters fought so hard to establish.

BTW feminism is not a dirty word. If you believe that women deserve the same rights as men, then you are a feminist. Nothing wrong with being one and if you are not a feminist you are a putz.

Back to the discussion with my 40 year old male friend.

In the area that he lives, he is surrounded by advertising that tells you that you can freeze unwanted fat away, face sculpting available here, Botox your wrinkles away, Brazilians half price (FYI, I’m not talking about the people of Brazil BTW), Anal bleaching available.

Seriously. It’s a thing.

My 40 year old male friend responded thus.

“As a man I get really snooty when I see the full magnitude of junk that has been dreamt up to sell to women in the name of being sexually attractive. If people spent 25% of their ‘beauty’ budget on books about history or science, the world would be a far nicer place”.

Let’s stand up and give this man a round of applause. This an intelligent comment coming from a smart, handsome male who appreciates women for who they are. And he is not the only one. My husband feels the same way and many other men I know do too.

Personally, I blame Paris Hilton. In the early noughties a sex tape of her was released on the internet. Many say she actually put it out there on the world wide web to gain attention. And it worked like a charm. She got her own reality TV show and perfume before they became de rigueur.

And from there many moments of sexualized dumbness seemed to be the norm. Sex tapes, naked pics from various pop starlets, actresses and wannabes seem to establish a new genre of fame.

The more you ‘sexploited’ yourself as a woman the more popularity seemed to follow. I recall Britany Spear’s desperation to keep up with Paris, so much so that when she was getting out of her limo to some ‘Celeb Party’ she gave us an eyeful of her vagina. From that point onwards if a woman dare not wax every hair of her vagina, well you should be ashamed. (Massive eyeroll)

The desperation was palpable. Miley Cyrus (a teenager at the time) got naked pics of herself out there ‘accidentally’. Lindsay Lohan, once a great actress was going crazy. Britany lost the plot and Nicole Richie, then Paris Hiltons gal pal, went from a healthy body weight to anorexic to reveal later a nearly naked body with a lot of bones sticking out.

A downward spiral of female behavior was evident and was supported by all media because it made for good television, gossip and radio. Shock value was everything.

WTF. Porn became easier to access because of faster internet speeds and women then started comparing themselves to female porn stars and from there anal bleaching became a thing.

And women started talking about getting this done. Why?

Rather than rejecting all this bullshit, a generation of women gobbled it up like free candy.

From that point onwards we, women lost the plot and became victims of our own doing.

Never in my life as a woman in conversation with other men have I ever heard them comment on the benefits of women having waxed vaginas, bum bleaching, botox, fake boobs, a fake butt. NEVER. And I have male friends who are not afraid of talking to me about anything.

As Stanley Tucci in the ‘Devil Wears Prada’ movie mockingly says to Anne Hathaway’s character after she says to him ‘I don’t see the point of changing everything about myself, I’m not going to stay in fashion forever’. He looks over his glasses and says, ‘Yes, that’s true. That’s really what this multi-billion dollar business is about anyway. Inner beauty’.

What a shame that the beauty and fashion industry really don’t focus on that, inner beauty.

They claim to empower women, but what they really do is degrade women and make us feel pressured to change ourselves and let’s face it, to look better than other women.

And here’s the rub, we are competing with each other rather than helping each other.

OMG, and who was the genius that came up with women getting their eyebrow’s darkened, I think it’s called the BOLD BROW. I see gorgeous young teenage girls with these Groucho Marx eyebrows. To add insult to injury they get huge false eyelashes as well. As my husband said one day, ‘they are starting to look like clowns’. Top that with a tonne of makeup to the point where you don’t really know who’s actually under there. ( I call them ‘Scrapers’ because I just want to scrape their faces back to normal). This is not healthy behavior or actions for a teenage girl. And we shouldn’t be promoting it as normal either. How on earth will these girls cope when they get older?

FYI, men I have spoken to about the brows and lashes don’t see the point of it either. Really good guys, the keepers want to see the real you.

Now we have the Kardashians exploiting themselves on a reality TV show that does nothing to enforce female cooperation, gender equality, feminism ideals. Their shallowness is as obvious as their greed. And yet these women ‘characters’ (there is no reality to them at all) have been applauded, revered and congratulated. Why? Because they are famous. And famous, for doing absolutely nothing. Except for being famous.

When I talk to my teenage son about this type of woman he shakes his head and doesn’t understand why they would do that to themselves. He understands that keeping your dignity and self-respect are essential to being a good and decent human being. Regardless of gender.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make yourself look or feel better, but only if you do it for you. It’s not good if you are doing it because everyone else is doing it. That’s just shallow.

But it’s also super important to work on the inner you. Because in reality, the outer you is only noticed briefly. When we get to know somebody, it’s the inner beauty that counts the most.

Keanu Reeves knows this. And I’m pretty sure a lot of other great men do too.

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