A pondering on where I stand
I wasn’t too long ago when I first began to question my gender identity. This process of discovering is somewhat terrifying as I have begun to get the feeling that my entire life has been a lie.
To begin with, I suppose I must start with the reasoning for delving within my mind to discover who and what the true me is. Some could say it started with a once upon a time, others might just say they never quite fitted into what they were categorised as, however, for me that isn’t exactly the case.
As someone who has grown up in a rather conservative house hold the LGBTQA+ community is rarely a topic up for discussion and when it is, all I can say is that I rarely share that opinions of my parents. So this makes it difficult to express my sexual and romantic orientations. It was around a year ago when I first delved into mind to find the answers as to why I was apparently lacking the ability to be sexual attracted to someone of any gender and thus I determined that I was Asexual. A brief description of what began my ever eventful journey to discover who I am.
Next came the discovery of my romantic orientation. This was determined a few months later after the first time I’d come out to anyone. That is a story for another day however. By this point in time I knew where and where not to look for answers. Tumblr was helpful if you knew where to look and Aven was a source that made me feel welcome in an apparently unwelcoming world I’d found myself in.
This all leads me to 6 or so months down the line where I’ve become friends with all sorts of internet personalities, a few of which who do not identify as the gender which they were assigned at birth. Not once before had I listened to the nagging sensation at the back of my mind which has been there for as long as I can remember. It always made me feel like something was off, which I seemingly thought would be stopped by my discovering of my romantic and sexual orientations, or apparent lack of.
I am far from reaching the end of such a quest as I have only just begun to delve into to world of gender identity. For all I know I could come out through the end of this and still identify as female and the nagging sensation at the back of my mind is something else entirely, however, if that were the case I’d at least still have the knowledge and understanding to help those on their question to discover their own identity.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson