My body plans.

I, like most people, have always been unhappy with my body.

Since being at Univeristy I have been comfort eating like theres no tomorrow. I went for an MRI scan about 3 weeks ago, which prior to that I had to weigh myself. Fun fun fun. I have put on 2 stone in just under 2 years and I’m very unhappy with it.

I feel so huge and so disgusting. I feel very self concious, moreso than usual. I feel like my clothes aren’t suiting me anymore, as well as feeling like theres not enough contour in the world to rid me of my many chins upon chins.

In January 2016, I went on the contraceptive pill, Cerelle. By being on this pill, the elasticity in my skin has disappeared and so stretch marks are everywhere. I’ve always thought stretch marks are quite nice. How when they fade, they look like a metallic tiger stripe. However, I’ve come to realise that I have a very different opinion on them on me, now that I am covered in them.

Last night, Adam and I were lying in bed and I just burst into tears. I am so unhappy with the amount of stretch marks that cover my legs, tummy, arms, breast-icles and back. Having summer getting closer and closer, I am freaking out. I want to feel happy and confident in a dress. I want to be able to wear a playsuit or a jump suit. Something other than black jeans and a floaty top.

Whats annoying me, more than anything, is that through my teenage years I was so self-conscious thinking that I was fat. I look back at pictures now (thanks to time-hop. What an evil, self loathing app that is!) and realise that I wasn’t fat at all! So many years of me crying myself to sleep, hating my body.

I remember feeling gross all the time. I hated going clothes shopping because nothing ever looked right in my eyes. I would always see a fat blob looking back at me. It was just all in my head.

2015. Summer before I started Uni. Excuse the awful fake tan.

Starting from today (16th March) I am on a mission to get fitter. I want to get back to a size 12/14. I’m going to start toning up my body so hopefully with that, the stretch marks will stop appearing. Throughout the summer I am going to be blogging every week and vlogging every week as a kind of ‘diary’ to my hopeful weight loss. I have a family wedding this summer too, so thats my pin point to when I need to have lost weight. I am worrying right now that if I stay the size I am now, when looking back on wedding photos, I’m going to feel so ugly and self-conscious whenever they are brought out to show other people.

This is me back in 2013. This is the weight I want to get back to by September 2017.

When I get back to Hastings for Summer, I will be going to the gym and working so I will be a lot more active than I am right now. I hope to be going to the gym once or twice a week after work. When this ‘diet’ plan finally kicks off, I will be going into detail about my starting weight and dress size. Including boob size as they are a HUGE problem right now. They are very heavy aswell as rather large, meaning that I always have to buy a dress size bigger to actually look like I’m not smuggling melons everywhere I go. I chase dress sizes like I chase my grades. I feel so horrible walking up to the cashier in New Look with a size 18 top. I feel ashamed to be this size, even though I know it’s not a massive size. I loved shopping in Top Shop but obviously now thats a no-go. (haha)

I want to wear this again! :D

I said to my friend Sophie, at the start of last month that I was “clothes confident” Meaning that I wasn’t confident in my body, but my clothes made me feel smaller and nicer. It’s been a month and I have completely changed my outlook on it. I’m not happy in any of my clothes anymore. I physically feel disgusting.

I hope you stay with me, reading my blogs and watching my vlogs as this Summer fitness plan hopefully starts to work. I will be posting photos and hopefully by doing that, I will start to see a difference.

If you would like to follow my weight-loss story. Click this link below and SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel! It’s currently new videos every Wednesday at 5pm (GMT time) but over summer, it will most likely be every Sunday.

I hope you have a lovely week and I’ll write to you soon!

Love Rosie xxx