101 Words On A One-Year Death Anniversary

Me in front of the ofrenda for our daughter who we lost at 20 weeks

365 days

Of sleeping with a half-finished homemade blanket

Yellow with speckles of baby soft colors

That smells of sweat and dried-up tears

Of a mother lost in a childless existence.

365 days

Of sitting at a dinner table

With the ghost of a child that should be here

For her first bites of this and that

Her first laugh and smile and word

Firsts that never existed.

A lifetime

Of crushed hopes and dreams

Of missed birthdays and milestones and love

A lifetime of “would’ves” and “should’ves”

A lifetime of your absence

Being the only thing that’s always present.