Donald Trump Doesn’t Watch ‘Rick & Morty,’ and It’s Going To Get Us All Killed.

Last month, the FBI raided the home of former-Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort. They seized documents and other materials, in an ongoing investigation into Manafort’s possible connections to Russian banks. When that news broke this week, WWE Hall of Famer and 45th President of The United States Donald J. Trump decided to improvise a big distraction.

If the “fire and fury” that Trump promised is, in fact, a nuclear attack, then it’s an unprecedented level of escalation. Trump has been childish, and he’s been mean, and he’s been a bully, but this is the first time that he has flirted with the irrevocable threat of nuclear armageddon. Not only is the move unprecedented, it’s unnecessary.
In a classic Trump-ian move, the President has pulled out the biggest, baddest, scariest distraction in the history of mankind, at a time when all he needed was a pickle……..

…………………….you gotta flip the pickle over.

C’mon, just flip the pickle. You gotta flip the pickle! C’mon, you can do it.
Flip the pickle!

There you go, BIG REVEAL!

PICKLE RICK!!!!!!!!! IT’S RICK!!! BUT A PICKLE!!!!!!

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you would know that the week that Trump decided to escalate tensions with North Korea, is the SAME week that Dan Harmon & Justin Roiland decided to turn their multi-verse hopping scientist Rick Sanchez into a pickle. As one would expect, the collective hearts and minds of America were won in that big reveal.



Clearly, men, women, & artists love Pickle Rick. There were Pickle Rick cakes. There were Pickle Rick action figures. There was even a Pickle Rick pipe, at fittingly outrageous prices.

The long and the short of it is that Donald Trump didn’t need to literally go nuclear. He had a distraction right in front of him, but was too busy in his own world to use it. John Oliver has made numerous reference to Donald Trump’s Pavlovian dedication to Fox News, but this is the first time that his unwillingness to watch anything that doesn’t have to do with him or his friends, will get millions of people killed at once.
**Prepeare yourself for a ridiculous sentence that could only be written in 2017.***
All President Trump had to do was take a cue from John Mayer, and tweet something like this…

….and this all could’ve been avoided. Had Donald Trump been willing to play along, the nation would be able to unclench it’s collective asshole and relax, but no, America must enjoy it’s Pickle Rick memes under the threat of nuclear annihilation.

There is a bittersweet irony. North Korea has been posturing for the better part of the year. This was not a new threat, but Donald Trump breathed new life into it with his ‘Fire and Fury’ bit. It is more likely that people will watch the news now. They will hear about North Korea, about Russia, they will even hear about Manafort, and it will all be Donald Trump’s fault. He couldn’t just let America stare at the pickle, and for that, we are all going to die.
Ross W. Berman IV has music available at rossberman.bandcamp.com. He can be heard every Monday on the RAW Rebellion on the IRW Network.
