Medical Breakthrough! Depression Now Treated By Reminding Patients They Don’t Sing Backup for Adele
SILVER SPRING, MD — Rumor has it the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is getting ready to say ‘Hello’ to an alternative method for treating patients with mood disorders. On Wednesday, the nation’s public health watchdog issued a press release detailing the latest form of treatment under its controversial Pop Culture Immersion (PCI) program. The newly announced ‘Rolling in the Deep-ression’ regimen allows psychiatrists to treat traditional therapy resistant patients by gently reminding them that their life could be worse. They could sing backup for Adele.
Oddly, the rationale behind the program is sound. FDA spokesperson Kara Bryant revealed the thought process that lead to the groundbreaking treatment, “If you ever want to feel inadequate, imagine being one of the songbirds providing backup vocals for Adele? These singers have trained their whole lives… are incredible talents in their own right… and yet they will never compare to the pure majesty coming from the Queen. Someone once told me that listening to 25 start-to-finish is like popping a Xanax and ensconcing yourself in velvet. Now imagine being that close to greatness and constantly reminded of your shortfalls any time you went to work. Suddenly getting out of bed in the morning doesn’t seem like such a big ask, now does it?”