So, no different than the last post, I’m stilling working on an opening. The issue I feel like I’m running into right now is, it all feels a bit rushed I guess. What I would really like to do is put a team together who a good with “description”. I feel like with a good team of about 5- 10 people I could achieve my end goal by providing a good basis that we can work shop ideas on. If you would like to be a part of this team, please by all means get in touch with me. Also, if you are so inclined I could provide you with my “scene list” and you could flesh it out with the information given. I’ll be honest I’m not too keen on just giving my outline to someone but if you are trust-worthy person and I feel comfortable with it we can work out a google docs setup that will allow you to work with the outline.
Okay now with all of that out of the way, let’s talk about the story. Right now, I’m not stuck but unsure which way I want to start. I want this to end up being a novel in the end, but as I write I feel like I’m “freight training” through parts that I could give a better visual. In all fairness for me, the pacing starts with the beginning. If by the end of the first chapter I feel like I’m still in the same place, then the pacing is too slow. If by then end of the first chapter I have established the main character, the location/environment. Well, then the pacing feels right, but if by the end of the first chapter I have introduced the entire cast, the location, the issue, or even the plot, well, then the pacing is too fast for my liking.
For now, the “Foreshadow” is still the same because I feel I just need to add greater description to the entire scene, but all the basic information is there. The beginning that I wrote here, I think is better than the previous opening. In this opening I introduce a new creature called the Drovian. The Drovian are a sabre cat sized carnivore that have no eyes, and sharp fangs. The Drovian skin is the void of fur and shifts in color like a Rorschach painting, this skin allows the Drovian to use a chameleon effect and become completely camouflaged in their environment. In the frontal lobe of the Drovian brain is a gland that allows it to sense heat sources from within a 30-meter radius. The Drovian hunt in packs of thirty or more. Without any further delay, another beginning. Don’t forget to let me know what you think. Also, here is the image that I go the idea for the Talva, I do not remember where I got this from now, but I would love if someone would find the artist.
Here is one of the Drovians as well.
In the Foreshadow
Deep within the reaches of space is a plant. The plant was one a rich ecosystem boasting many varieties of life, but now it is on the verge of collapse. As the planets crust began to crack and the core became exposed. A blue fluid seemed to be swirling around the core. In a flash the fluid consumed the core and the planet exploded. Out shot a meteor covered in the blue fluid shooting out into space.
As the warmth from the star began to heat the land the fog began to fall over the blue fields of Karanova. The light of a massive red giant began to break over the mountains. In the distance the light bathed the blue garnet stone below the show caps of the mountain and it gave off a beautiful purple shine. The dew from the fog lightly coated the leaves of the ground cover below. At the base of the mountains almost masked by the fog, were the silhouettes of a herd of Talva making its way through the open field. The Talva lumbered across the open field as the fog masked the tall grass below them. The herd consisted of 7 adult females and two calves. As the light made its way down the mountain, the herd stopped for a moment to embrace the warmth of the first morning light. Female Talva are adorned with large horns on their snout and red streaks on their thick leathery skin. Males are adorned with Horns on either side of their head, no streaks of red but they do however have a bright red face. When Talva young are born, they spend most of their adolescent life grazing the fields with a herd of adult females this is because the male Talva are wrangled and are used as mounts in daily Karanovian life.
The brisk morning dew coated their large hoofed legs as they stood static in the tall blue grass. A cool breeze sweep across the plains breaking up the thick ground fog. As the fog began to clear, one of the calves wailed in pain. The first female to react turned only to see the young calf be drug off into the fog. The herd immediately tightened its defenses around the last remaining calf. Their large hoofs sinking slightly in the damp soil. They stood like stone, forcing deep thrusts of air in their massive gaping mouth and back out through their nostrils taking up a defensive posture. Once the immediate panic settled, a Drovian’s head peered through the thinning fog, its fangs were hideous and drenched in a thick coating of the abducted calf’s blood. As the fog settled the devious Drovian’s numbers became abundantly clear. The herd was now outnumbered three to one. Feeling the danger sinking in, the herd tightened its stance around the calf once again. The Drovian began circling and biting at the herds legs trying to find a break in their defenses.