My Love Diary

March 3, 2016–9 miles

“Decisions, Decisions!” Today was all about choosing the best qualified babysitter for my son. There was no thought of a run as I assumed there would be no time. But that all changed when I made it priority as I really needed it and I had the chance to get out. The knee is there trust me but it feels like before in which I could run with it. I had an appointment set for 11am with my choose of sitter to meet my son. Then we could move on from there if I would be pleased. I did not expect much from my run but it went beyond my expectations. I was running without a thought of my knee and I felt comfortable. I felt a calm which I needed at this point. Nothing like yesterday in which I was on pins and needles. Today was all run and no mental. Quite enjoyable. My husband was home today also which made it even better I thought to meet the potential sitter. But from the start of the a.m we started on the wrong foot. Which through me off as I am always quite positive about everything. Not so much him. I had to breathe and trust me the run was needed to just release what I was feeling internally. Him and I are partners but beyond different in our ways. I wish I could be the man. Trust me, I would give me there world. Not materially but eternally! And recently more often than not. There has been battle. I’m moving forward in so many aspects of life no one is setting me back because of there own faults and judgements. You are not blaming me. I now realize that as I used to blame myself. I’m such a firecracker now. So much so. I literally laugh now when I used to cry. Ha, ha, humor I got tons of it! I gave baby a kiss and out the door I went. Needed the break from everything. It felt so dame good trust me. Marriage is not easy but I’m at a point in getting fed it. My value has to be noticed. For 18 months I’ve cared for child for, gained a career in so many aspects and I’m about to conquer a 100 miler in less the 2 years of my sons birth. What more do you want. Venting! Will stop here! Back to the run. Everything from what they were speaking of to the music that was being played all seemed to be aware of how I was feeling. It was spectacular. Just all made me feel really good. I almost cried twice as that is how close it was to the heart. The miles just came and went and was just so happy not to have one worry about the knee. Well not saying I’m 100% but feeling better. Once I got home did not have much time to spare. Husband took care of babies needs. I did the groceries before returning as I’m set for a busy weekend. I just had enough time to get groceries in fridge and get my questions, thoughts together for babysitter. 11am came that fast! From the moment I met her I felt a calm. We had done an extensive interview last night. But when meeting the person there is a better understanding of the individual and I have always felt I am good in hiring. I should of been a recruiter. I was very pleased. You can see she was eager to see Becks and surprisingly he did not scream. He ran away but no screams as he usually would do in meeting new individuals. At that point I knew this was good. I wanted for them to interact as much as possible to see how the accustomed together. We gradually introduced them and sat in the floor to play but he also was getting very tired as it was soon nap time and he was up since 5am. I introduced her how to put him down for nap and she listened and was attentive to my thoughts and words. Once he fell asleep. We returned back to the living room for my final thoughts. I was beyond comfortable with her and of course this is not easy. But there was no awkwardness which was good. We spoke a bit for her to better understand my needs and also to listen to hers. I work with you. I don’t use no one! Your good to me. Your spoiled for life! Your family! I told her that is what I want to grow into! I was honestly so afraid of my husband saying something out of par as he is having a harder time with this. He was quite professional even though I was at this point not on speaking terms with him. I finalized our schedule and happily hired her. I now just send it up to the heavens hoping I made the right decision as this child is my world. “I know I did!” You know that feeling! I was happy! I could breathe after a week of search, so many applications. Giving so many opportunity. But picking one. It was hard. Well so much for my rant of life. My diary is about love also why not.

Happy Thursday Everyone. The weekend is almost here!


Originally published at runronirun.com on March 3, 2016.

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