The Cocky, The Cowardly and The Confident (Which One Are You?)

Have you ever wondered, as I have, why some people succeed even when it’s hard? And yet, others fail even when the path is clear? What’s the difference?

What makes some persist while others pause. Why do some get paralyzed by fear and obstacles while others are propelled by the same challenges? What gives?

It comes down to how you show up. Your energy. And yeah, I know “energy” sounds a little woo-woo. But let’s be real, your vibe matters. It affects how you see the world… and how the world sees you.

(By the way, if you are already dismissing the possibility that you might be cocky or cowardly, then make sure you slow down and consider the rest of this article very carefully.)

After working with thousands of business owners I can say there are basically three ways people show up in the world…

Cocky, cowardly or confident.

Yes, I realize those are strong words. That’s exactly why I chose them. Because they cover the entire spectrum of the attitudes I see day in and day out.

And here’s the thing…

If you are approaching any part of your business with the wrong energy, then it’s going to cost you more than you can imagine. In fact, it’s probably already costing you tens of thousands of dollars per month.

That’s why it’s important to spot how you’re showing up at any given time. Fact is, everyone plays all three roles at one point or another in their businesses. So let’s take a look at how these energies might show up in your business…

THE COCKY — “Yeah, but…”

Cocky looks confident at first glance. But it’s not. It’s actually a mask. And that mask hides a deep seated fear of being found out as “not good enough.”

When a person is being too cocky, they are closed off to new ideas. New ideas threaten the world as they know it. The fear of change forces them to overcompensate by being too sure, too certain, too stuck in their own beliefs. They don’t allow support or outside views in.

This shows up as “Yeah but…” thinking. Yeah, but I already know how to generate leads. Yeah, but I already learned sales when I was girl scout selling cookies door to door. Yeah, but I don’t think webinars work.

A cocky energy needs constant reinforcement. It needs to be validated. Because if it’s wrong, it’s very identity is threatened.

This shows up as uncoachable and overly decisive and resourceful ONLY when it matches their current worldview.

On the other extreme, we have…

THE COWARDLY — “Who am I to…”

The cowardly hide behind inaction. They figure if I don’t do anything then maybe I won’t make a mistake. Because mistakes mean, “I’m a mistake.” The cowardly energy shuts you down. And to justify not taking action, it has to invent stories about what’s going on.

It’ll say things like:

“Who am I to lead people? I’ve never led anyone in my entire life.”

“Who am I to build a sales funnel? My 7th grade teacher said I’d never be good at technology.”

“Who am I to make $50k/mo? I come from a family of debt and struggle.”

And on and on it goes. Never stepping out. Always trying to stay “safe” in a cocoon of inaction. Never taking risks.

This shows up as unable to implement even the best coaching in the world, completely indecisive and unresourceful.

Then, in the middle, we have the energy of success…

THE CONFIDENT — “Tell Me More…”

Confidence isn’t knowing the answers all the time. It’s not never being afraid. It’s not a lack of fear.

What confidence is, is an inner knowing that you’re open. You’re willing to take risks. You’re willing to ask for help. You admit that you don’t know what you don’t know. You are open to being wrong.

Confidence is being willing to take action even when — and maybe especially when — you don’t know how it’s going to turn out.

Confidence is not having it all figured out. But it IS having faith in your ability to figure it out. Either on your own or with help. And knowing everything will be ok even if you never figure it out. That’s true confidence.

You can spot a confident person because they’ll say, “Tell me more…”

Tell me more about that method. Tell me more about how Facebook ads are working for you right now. Tell me more about where I’m being coachable and where I’m not.

And when people come to us with that kind of energy, they show up coachable. They are decisive. And they are incredibly resourceful.


There are two big ways to unlock your confidence. One is to create a daily practice of being confident. Every successful person I’ve ever met has had to work at confidence. It’s a muscle. And to make it stronger, it has to be worked.

The way to build your confidence muscle is to take control of the inner dialogue in your brain. To catch yourself when you’re saying “Yeah, but..” or “Who am I to…” and instead step toward the fear and say, “Tell me more.”

Confidence and curiosity go hand in hand. Practice being curious. Ask good questions. Listen.

The other way to build confidence is to get support from someone who is already where you want to be. To follow and learn from their proven strategy of success. As you follow their lead, you become more and more confident in your own abilities.

Listen, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. No matter what you want to do in life, someone has probably done something similar. And you can piggyback on their confidence by following their strategy. Even better if they offer support.

For our clients we offer a strategy for becoming the top 1% of coaches and consultants in their niche. And we offer the support to implement the strategy.

But if they show up cocky or cowardly, it doesn’t matter how good our strategy is, it’ll be wasted. However, when they show up confident… when they show up coachable, decisive and resourceful… then they can create and have anything they want, anyway they want it.

The same is true for you. I’m not saying it’s easy to show up and move through the world with confidence. It still takes hard work. But when you set aside the cocky or cowardly energy and work the muscles of confidence, life sure is easier. And a whole lot more fun.

Ready to learn more about the strategy our clients use to enroll high-ticket clients with confidence? Join us for our upcoming masterclass: What The Top 1% of Coaches Know That You Don’t