You’re an awesome writer. I get it. I’m currently in a bit of a slide myself ( to the objective observer anyway ). To me, my unmedicated or smidge medicated self is the self that’s more comfortable.
If nobody were around but me, would it matter? I’m not asking this in a selfish, self-serving, only thinking of myself way. I’m asking if the viewpoints, opinions, and platforms that I believe other folks have didn’t enter into my noggin,’ would I be beating myself over the head with the self-shame stick.
Sometimes, when we are at our lowest, all of these notions about how others view us flood our mind. And, 99% of the time this flood isn’t healthy, nor entirely correct. It’s a way to shame ourselves without “ourselves” having to actually do it. We can use everyone else as scapegoats. There are many terms used for this repeating cycle of feeling overly well (high) that then lead into the abyss (low) . I prefer two: Samsara and Satan. Practicing meditation and prayer has helped me more than any medication I’ve ever taken, including alcohol and illicit drugs.
I’m not encouraging you to stop, start, or even look at your medications. I’m not a doctor and don’t dish out that kind of advice. I would encourage you to try some form of meditation (listening) and prayer (talking) to align you with your higher power. Much love, friend.