5 Super Foods to Prevent The Troll Under Your Bed From Stealing Your Soul

Image Courtesy of Anthony Kiedis of The Chicago Tribune/ The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Let’s face it, in today’s busy world, it’s nearly impossible to get the nutrition your body needs. You work all day and come home to the comfort foods you know and love, but your body needs much more than that! Not to mention, the troll who lives under your bed, Graelyn, beckons you to indulge in his tasty sweet treats in a valiant effort to steal your soul. This may seem overwhelming but don’t fret! Listed here are 5 super foods which will be sure to keep you in tip top shape, and to send Graelyn running back to his home world of Mardük!

  1. Kale
Image courtesy of the Kale Kouncil LLC.

Kale is low in calories, full of nutrients, and has zero fat! Even better, Gaelyn’s species of troll is highly allergic to its leaves!

2. Quinoa

Image courtesy of the Quinoa Queen of Quakertown, PA

This healthy grain is not only used to embalm the dead in Mardük, (thus reminding Graelyn of his fate, scaring him away, like the coward he truly is) but it provides a healthy gluten-free alternative to those with celiac disease!

3. Ełìtybl

Image courtesy of Jackson Jacksinson’s son Jackson the second..you know, the youngest Jacksinson boy! good kid.

This goo is the staple food of the Redęłœ clan, fierce rivals to the Mardük. At first smell, Graelyn will misread an invasion and retreat to call reinforcements. It can be found within the flowers of dandelions, and works great as an alternative to butter!


Image courtesy of Marissa A. Celery, of The Celery Fund

Celery is an excellent snack and can even be enjoyed with peanut butter!

5. Salmon

Image Courtesy of NASA (National Ascetically pleasing Salmon Association)

Salmon is packed with omega 3 fatty acids, and can be an excellent protein alongside any of the aforementioned foods! This particular food isn’t harmful to the Mardük, but Graelyn is not really into salmon. He likes it, but you know, he would choose something else over it if he had the choice.

There you have it! These foods will not only help you feel great physically , but they’ll help you maintain rights of your soul too! Sorry Graelyn! Try again in another 100 years when the Mardük are allowed to roam the free world again!!!!

Words by: Anthony “The Sandwich” Cruz