The women I supported.
A thought on the ruins of blind feminism.
I was raised by a woman, who did it all alone. Due to that experience, I have always been an unconditional campaigner of women empowerment. I have made it a lifestyle to cheer on and support the girls I meet and forge friendships with — all because I believe that women are powerful, important, able and that their success is the success of the society. I have done this because I wished that my mother had someone cheering , encouraging and supporting her on. This I have done unconditionally, up to now.
However, I have realized that this unconditional support comes with a whole lot more problems than we think it does. It is, more and more, creating women who are feeling entitled to the universe giving them a break because they are women. These women, because of being supported for so long, have become used to being excused, empathized with, understood and forgiven that they are blind to their own weaknesses, that they don’t accept the notion that they could be having flaws, and any attempt to point out the flaws so that they can be corrected is perceived as an attack on their person. It is not unusual for your lady friend to tell you how hurt she is when you point out to her something negative about her character, actions or thought processes. She might go ahead and tell you that it was hurtful even more because after hearing it from everybody else, it was finally coming from you — her most trusted friend. I have been in this situation many times, and as time goes on, I am realizing that there are two types of feminists — those who seek a chance to improve everyday and fight for it without resting, and those who are complacent in their persons, achievements and futures and wait for something, somehow, to be handed to them.
For this second group, it doesn’t start that way. It always starts innocently, almost with great intentions. You create conditions that, instead of giving this women the armor to fight for their dreams with, we do our best to place these women as close to their dreams as we can afford. We apologize when things go wrong — even when it is not our fault, we console them with the notions that ‘the world doesn’t understand’, ‘you deserve better’, ‘they are saying those things because they don’t like you’, ‘they are just jealous’, ‘you are doing just fine’, ‘it’s not you, it’s them’, and through all these, we give them a false notion of their magnificence, of how they deserve the best, mostly without regard of their personal achievements, character, capability and history. It is natural for women in this group to think ‘they just don’t understand me well, only so-and-so does’, and the so-and-so becomes their fix of cheap consolation — and the day so-and-so points out some of the flaws, the ‘I love you so much, what could I do without you?’ turns, instantly, into ‘How could you?!! I thought I trusted you!!’
I do not want to live in a world of weak but empowered women. I don’t believe in pampering women because they were born with a hollow instead of an appendage in their crotch. I don’t believe that the pursuit of self-improvement, growth and development has a gender. I won’t help create a world where there are few hardworking women and many simply entitled ones. I won’t create a world that encourages some women to ‘be themselves’, to act as they feel most natural, excuses their mistakes and misdemeanors with a subtle notion of ‘we need to be soft with her, she is a woman!’ — and unconditionally absolves them of responsibility and accountability. No. I won’t empower weaklings. I won’t empower brats. I won’t empower idiots. I will support that woman who acknowledges her flaws, who understands that the universe doesn’t owe her anything, who works hard to secure her place in the universe, who constantly, through introspection, inspects her progress and adjusts her bearing, her vessel and ultimately her course. This is the woman the world needs, this is the woman men bowed to in long gone egalitarian societies. This is the woman who has ruled, the woman who should rule. She is the woman we should put back in her rightful throne, and she will know what to do with it.