Why You Should Be Afraid This Week

Hello and welcome to the first installment of Why You Should Be Afraid This Week. This article seeks to let you as a citizen of the US know why you should distrust your fellow man. Every week we shall inform you of who or what to fear. Here is this week’s comprehensive list:

  1. Mexicans. As always Mexicans want to come here and hurt you. They absolutely do not want to run away from a corrupt government bribed by drug lords willing to murder them and their families in order to spread fear and establish their power. Mexicans want to see you suffer. They come and take all the jobs you don’t want to do so they can make you weaker, NOT so they can attempt to have a part in the American dream and pay their dues in order to give their children a better life.
  2. Icky bugs. Icky bugs are becoming more and more common in this country. We’ve always had our fair share of normal bugs but ever since we let anyone who wants come into this country more and more icky bugs are entering with them. Icky bugs want to make you icky. Just like Icky Vicky. Remember Icky Vicky? Fairly Odd Parents? Chip Skylark? Other pop culture references from childhood! Do you want to be icky like Icky Vicky? I don’t think so.
  3. Other Cultures. Other cultures want to take over your culture. We all know these cultures can not coexist. There is absolutely no way to reconcile the differences with what body part we greet each other with or how we wipe our ass or what vegetables we eat. We must be afraid and scared of other cultures and we especially must try as hard as we can to not understand them. As soon as we learn about them, they have already begun their takeover.
  4. Sentient penises from outerspace. Sentient penises are crashing into Earth from above and humping victims to death. The Federal Government has identified these penises mainly above Southwest America and many people in Albuquerque have already been killed. If these penises continue to spread, we’re going to be fucked.
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