It’s a Long Story

I don’t think anyone is going to read this and if you are then thank you.

This is the first time I’ve wrote a blog although I have been thinking about it for a long time. I have had a lot of things happen to me over the past year and I guess I just wanted a platform to write them down and freely express how I feel.

Introducing myself shouldn’t be too difficult. I’m a female engineering student currently studying Mechanical Engineering in the UK. I had good grades and obtained a scholarship and never really struggled academically. I’m out-going and love to be around people but also have strong opinions and I am not afraid of expressing them. I can be quite an emotional and passionate person but I think that this helps me succeed in what I do

I really want to start from when I joined university. Everyone tells you how great its going to be, that you will meet so many great people and you will regret not taking the opportunity but no-one ever tells you the bad sides. I found my first 3 months at university to be the loneliest time I had ever experienced, I tried to get in with a good group of friends quickly but we just wouldn’t talk that much. I spent the time that I was alone crying and trying to figure out what I could do to change it but it was difficult. My family knew I was struggling, it was hard not too when I was on the phone to them saying that I thought I had made a big mistake in ever going away from home. No-one tells you how hard it is going from living with a strong supportive family to having nothing.

Eventually I got in with a group of people on my engineering course and we seemed to be a solid group. We had fun, always joking and I started to think that maybe things were turning around. There was a guy in the group (isn’t there always) that I really liked and I can remember vividly the first time I met him. He was sat talking to another girl and they were debating which of their courses was more difficult. I couldn’t stop myself from outwardly laughing at them, they seemed so simple in my mind. The problem with this guy is he had a girlfriend and they had a child and I knew in my head it would be wrong to pursue anything but at the same time… I don’t know, I wanted him.

I didn’t do anything to make things awkward between us, I wasn’t even sure if he really liked me but we did grow very close. He told our friends that everything between us was completely platonic and I had to accept that, after all I’m not a completely terrible person. Everyday we would talk and we grew closer and closer and he would do anything to stay with me later at the end of the day. It was at this point that I thought maybe he did like me. Maybe it wasn’t as one sided as I had originally thought. Maybe he really did want something to happen between us. Well that’s what I thought anyway.

We would have little flat parties and we would all get together and have a laugh and a drink. One night Rob (the guy I’ve been talking about) got drunk and tried to make a pass, but not on me, on one of my friends who was having difficulties with her boyfriend. Well that was it, I was quite devastated and knew that I must really like him to have felt almost betrayed. I managed to talk my friend into working things out with her boyfriend and to give up all hope on being with Rob. Now I realise how that sounds and you can feel free to judge but I felt cheated and I wanted to make sure that he didn’t have her.

After all this we were all still very close and no-one ever really spoke of this night again. We just carried on as usual, laughing and joking over games of pool. One day, two of our friends were playing pool and we were mere spectators watching as the game unfolded. He asked for my phone and I compliantly gave it to him wondering why he had asked me for it to begin with. He gave it back to me 5 minutes later and he had typed a note that went along the lines of “I know you want me, if you want we can go back to yours and see what happens”. I was shocked and excited, scared and confused but ultimately it was everything I had wanted since meeting him so how could I refuse.

This isn’t my problem now but this is where my problem sprouted from. I’m going to carry on writing parts of this story down and in the hope that I will eventually find clarity.

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