Old + Single = Bitter Woman

You see that opinion you have of older single women “being mean” because they’re single and not getting enough vitamin D? You couldn’t be more wrong.

Sandra Ezekwesili
Aug 28, 2017 · 3 min read

I used to be you. I used to think the teacher at my primary school was so mean because she was old and single and had no one to love her.

Or the older single lady who was my neighbor was nasty because I was younger and prettier and loved up and she wasn’t.

Boy was I wrong!

On becoming that woman, I can now tell you why it seemed like she was mean.

She was done pretending!

She wasn’t pretending to care about your problems so that the nice lady/guy who brings you to school might notice and like her enough to perhaps recommend her to a male friend or relative.

She called you on your BS because she didn’t care anymore if she came off as assertive and cold and “unmaternal”.

She cared more about getting the job done than she did about your feelings.

And worse, she was unapologetic about it.

Her focus has shifted from bagging a husband — a “feat” she has been groomed to “achieve” all her life — to making an enjoyable life for herself.

Life isn’t enjoyable when you’re constantly making yourself smaller or swallowing your words or smiling and nodding and doing as you’re told. It isn’t enjoyable when you’re constantly checking to see that you haven’t crossed the acceptable line to be considered “wife material”.

So your speech, in public and in private is measured.

Your reaction to bullshit is carefully thought and planned out to reflect your potential to be a great wife. Every action you take is constantly weighed by “how will people perceive me?”(because it’s not just the man you’ll marry potentially watching, it’s also the person -man or woman- who may recommend you as quality wife material)

“My husband might be watching”

“I don’t want to scare men off”

And so you acquiesce even when it’s killing you to. You pretend to be okay with being treated unfairly. You hide your rage behind a smile when all you want to do is scream.

Fortunately for you (and unfortunately for the world), you get older.

The older you get, the less tolerant you are of bullshit. You begin to call it as it is because you know what, they can’t come and beat you and being nice still never kuku get you the ozband.

The older you get, the more you want to spend time doing only what you really care about. The more vocal you are about your needs. Being happy goes to the top of your to-do list.

With women, it’s more obvious because most women are raised to smile and excuse bad behavior especially from a man. To suffer in silence.

The older she gets though, the less she feels the need to “present” herself a certain way so that she doesn’t scare off potential suitors.

So she won’t entertain the long ass road you want to take her on.

She will ask all those questions that you’ll interpret as “moving too fast”.

She’ll say no and not explain.

She’ll do what she wants, when she wants and how she wants.

She’ll say those things that garner her comments like “you’re talking like a man” “you’re a bitter single woman” “twitter Aunty”

Opinions that will be applauded by-the-way, should a man voice them.

So, no. She’s not mean because she’s old and single (and has a beard 😂).

She’s just tired of living life on someone else’s terms.

)

It's never that serious | Broadcaster| Breakfast Show Host @COOLFMPH | Compere | email: sandraezekwesili@gmail.com

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