“Well this is awkward”

Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Here’s a fun fact about me: While being home schooled from 4th grade all the way up until I graduated high school (age 9–18), I had very little social interaction from peers. This left me with a very large gap in my understanding of social skills. Because of this, I have been forced to learn the nuances of them in my mid- to late 20s.

While there have been bumps along the way, for the most part I can socialize with just about any group. The problems arise when there is any sort of romantic feelings toward another individual. Taking the step from friends to romantically involved has proved to be a much more difficult code to crack and I believe I know why.

The primary issue is that I have never become comfortable in awkward situations where there is more then one party involved. Sitting down to dinner with good food and conversation contains limited strangeness and is relatively simple at this point. The process is understood and can be duplicated with little effort.

When a fortune cookie is opened at the end of the meal that reads “You will have a romantic encounter tonight” there is a strange feeling that arises between two individuals. This is where my minimal experience hinders progress in my research. To really understand what is happening there must be time spent in this “feeling” to gain insight as to how to deal with it. Are there variations in the emotion; when embraced, what outcomes are common; what techniques can be used to soften the emotion?

The answer to all of these is unknown to me right now. The one thing I do know is that the only way to become comfortable in a situation is to be in that situation often enough that it becomes familiar.