I was a Teenage Victim of an “Edgelord”

-by Maria Guzman

Trigger Warnings: Rape, Incest, Pedophilia, Betrayal, Isolation, Death Threats, Milo Yiannopolous

When I was young, I was abused by my uncle. He would babysit my brothers and I after school while my parents were at work. He used to specifically encourage them to leave the house to play with friends while telling me I was too young, and when we were stuck alone he would force me to wear dresses and abuse me. This went on for nearly four years, and ended when one of my brothers found a picture of me in a dress and showed my parents.

I’ve been seeing a therapist off and on for the last twelve years, ever since it all ended with my uncle. I don’t remember a whole lot of my childhood before that, and since then I have frequent anxiety attacks. A lot of things cause me to shut down, and sometimes I’m not even sure what it is that causes it. The only time I’m not a complete wreck is when I’m riding horses at my grandmother’s ranch.

When the initial logs came out about Sarah Nyberg, I originally thought it was people from Gamergate trying to discredit her. Even those logs were difficult for me to read. Gamergate is pretty much everything I detest, and I specifically decided to go against them when I realized that they were for the most part people from 4chan or 8chan or whatever it calls itself these days. I wanted to fight people like my uncle and I felt this was a safe yet productive way to do it. So when the further information came out about how Sarah Nyberg was grooming her cousin, I felt really ill. I wanted to believe that she was not this sort of person. I really tried to believe that someone whom I trusted as an ally wouldn’t be tray me in such a way. However she then came out with her own article titled “I Was a Teenage Edgelord” where she admitted that she had actually posted those things about her cousin, and reading that, I knew what she actually was. I’m thankful that her cousin Alice wasn’t subjected to quite the same hell that I was, and that her parents had the good sense to pull her away before anything escalated, but that still leaves me concerned about any other children Sarah may have or may still be targeting.

Even knowing this, I didn’t know what to do. I spent a bit of time away and talked it over my my therapist. She agreed and encouraged me to do the right thing and speak out against Nyberg. I decided that even in my continual fight against the patriarchy, I would reject Sarah as an ally. Sarah is everything about rape culture that I actively fight against.

I was particularly nervous when I made my statements, as I knew it would cause a lot of friction between some of my friends and I. I expected that speaking out against her would create a reaction, but it was a lot more than I had expected. A large amount of my friends, including someone I considered to be very close said that I had betrayed them, and blocked me. A few of my friends and a good amount of Gamergate people did come to support me though, which I did not expect. I suppose they were just happy to see infighting and to see someone denounce Sarah. I expected there to be some backlash, but not like what I received.

Israel Galvez, who is one of the prominent people who opposes Gamergate immediately decided that I was a sockpuppet and a troll and sent his followers to attack me. Within about five minutes of him telling them to do so, I received two death threats over the telephone. I immediately contacted the police on the matter and after a few hours they were able to trace the number to a payphone in Seattle (apparently payphones still exist). So after a good deal of panic I considered that someone was unlikely to make a 3000 mile flight just to harm me, but I informed the police that Izzy Galvez was leading a series of threats against me online, were something to happen to me.

I wanted initially to go to Crash Override Network to handle the problem of my ex-friends now harassing me, but if Izzy isn’t an actual member of Crash, he is an outspoken advocate for them, so I figured it was likely that if I contacted them, they would be at best indifferent, and at worse, betray anything I told them in confidence to Izzy. After discussing the situation with my therapist, we decided the best course of action was for me to stay offline for awhile.

Luckily this has been a very warm winter, so the season I have been able to ride has extended until just recently. For some reason riding helps me to clear my head, and I sincerely enjoy it, so I have been able to use the time away to do the closest thing I can to relax and get away from the nightmare that Izzy has made the internet for me. I managed to stomach Milo Yiannopolous just long enough to watch the video he did concerning Nyberg with the people she used to talk to online, which really only helped to confirm she is exactly as I thought.

I’ve decided that I’m done with all of this. I appreciate any support that was given to me by anyone, regardless of your side concerning the Gamergate shit. I’m not going to engage in this conflict any further, as I don’t really have any stake in an internet yelling match between misogynists and pedophiles, and the whole thing causes me a lot of anxiety, which is something I don’t need any more of in my life. I’m staying away from home for awhile, so I’m hoping that any further death threats this provokes will eventually go away as Izzy’s mob gets bored and looks for a new target to attack. To hell with both your houses, I’m out.

I hope everyone had a good holiday.