Parental Child Abduction / Alienation — Thoughts of a Parent
How are you today? I hope all is well and you are blessed to be able to treasure some moments of your day for quality time with your children...Please treasure every single second.
I'm sure some days are testing. That's what being a parent is all about but I am sure that many families that have been affected by parental child abduction and/or alienation would love to be in your position because many have not been able to even communicate with their child for months... sometimes years and sadly this is mostly due to the selfishness of the other "parent" as well as the family court systems that appear to facilitate this abuse.
I write today because I am feeling particularly down about the situation some parents find themselves in. When an abduction occurs, at the beginning, there is absolute uproar with friends and family.
"How can the other parent do this?"
"It is so wrong for this to happen. What can we do to help?"
Fantastic!.. There is an instant rallying together to try to resolve the situation because obviously, the authorities won't allow this to happen for long will they?..... WRONG !!
There is no rush to resolve the situation with the authorities (that would reduce their pay checks). A parent tries to do everything they can to resolve the situation and often go directly to a lawyer and pay a retainer if they have the money or look to family and friends to help them. They find these lawyers with very little research into their background in international cross border child issues.
The parent does this as a gut reaction as they believe that the system is BOUND to protect them and their children.. . After all... to steal a child is obviously a crime.. WRONG AGAIN !! Well... it is a crime but is it really enforced as being one???
Even with the protection of the Hague Convention and Brussels II revised which is supposed to protect from this occurring. So many stalling and devious tactics are used by "legal experts" which are abusive, cruel and immoral such as trying to portray the affected parent as unfit with false allegations.
The system as it stands is set up for these tactics to be used as there is little or no deterrent nor accountability for using them.
Sadly, there is no thought whatsoever by an abducting "parent" or their legal advisors into the possible long term emotional affects on the family and the children..
The affected parent continues to do everything they can to resolve the situation.. Paying additional expenses for lawyers and barristers and well as travelling back and forth to the country they have been abducted or removed to. They often get themselves in so much financial trouble as a result of this that they might never recover from..
This is where perception changes somewhat. As the situation goes on and on with no or limited resolution, the support of friends and family often diminishes. Instead of the initial uproar, they sometimes hear comments like..
"It will all work out someday when they are older"
"He / she seems to be happy"
"All must be ok because they are with the other parent"
"You need to continue with your life because they will come back someday"
etc etc etc
If you are affected, I am sure you can add much more to this list as you are wiping away your tears on a daily basis because, to you, the first person you think of a the start of the day is your absent child and continues throughout each and every day.. You learn to become stronger on the outside but it never becomes easier and your love for your child never lessens.
The fact that the child was effectively stolen and retained from their other parent and family no longer seems a primary concern.. and the longer this goes on, the more this seems to happen. People sometimes no longer to even relate you to being a parent... Remember the Xmas cards etc where your child is no longer mentioned - even from close friends and family? Hurts doesn't it??
The abducting / alienating parent has been allowed to erase you and your family from their lives aided and abetted by the system/authorities that you put your trust in to protect them.... and you!!
So at this point, what does a parent do? Give up? Pretend their child never even existed, box the emotions away? It seems that this is what is expected..
Some find the strength to carry on doing everything they can to be reunited with their child and look at different ways of achieving this... but the more time goes on, the less help they seem to get ... even from organisation that specialise in these issues.
A parent becomes so frustrated and sometimes feel that talking about what they can be doing to reunite with their child becomes a taboo subject.. After all, they've had the time to "get over it"
People need to understand that they will never "Get over it"... They just learn to be stronger and cope as best they can with the situation.
I apologise for rambling somewhat today. I guess there are times where you just need to write down some of your thoughts and frustrations. Let me know if you can relate to parts of this or if it helps in some way... or even if you think I am totally incorrect in my thought process right now..
One Day Closer all xxxx