They’re her children….
Over these past few years, there are a few lines that I have gotten absolutely sick of hearing “It’s her fault”…. “She has done a terrible job of bringing up her children”… “They are her children after all”….
Yes, you know what I am talking about.. MOTHER SHAMING when a kid screws up (and sometimes it isn’t even a screw up. It’s a matter of what is good and bad in each irrelevant person’s eye).
I don’t know about how this blame game goes in other cultures, but have certainly seen a pattern in the brown culture. As soon as a kid does something good, they (as in every irrelevant individual) say, “Oh her father has done such a good job of raising the children”…. “It’s Mr…<blah blah’s> kids after all”. BUT as soon as the kid does something bad/ unacceptable they go onto blaming the mother. LIKE SERIOUSLY?! What makes it even worse is when the husbands do it themselves… “Look at what your children have done”…. “YOU have done such a terrible job”.. “You’re the one to blame”.
Dear husband, if your wife has done such a terrible job of raising your children WHERE THE HECK WERE YOU? (Oh, I almost forgot to mention, these lines normally come up in situations where the mother has been single parenting for so long because the father is so busy working and “feeding the family”). Yeah, I get that it is tough going to work, coming back and having to deal with all the house work, but what makes you think being a house wife is easy? Actually these days, more women are in the workforce AND are also expected to do majority of the house work themselves. Isn’t it the responsiblity of BOTH parents to keep an eye on the chilren and make sure that they don’t get up to mischief? Why have children if you’re not going to play your part, and instead just ditch every responsibility onto your wife? Shouldn’t she also get credit for the work she does, when the kid achieves/ does something good? It infuriates me when this happens.
Let’s not even get started on the other women in the community who sometimes are the reason that such blame games happen. How would you feel if it was you being blamed solely for something unacceptable that your child has done, but then not be credited for something that they are recognised in the community for? Wouldn’t that hurt?
This isn’t a post to pick on men. I am terrible at phrasing things in a nice way.
This is just to say that it is the responsibility of both parents to take care of their child. Yes, there are situations where there is only one parent involved because the other has to be away working, but that is no reason to blame the parent for it all (or even blame ANYONE). After a certain point in life, the decisions someone makes are their own.
I know that you can’t please everyone, and people don’t know how to mind their business, so we should only care for the opinions of those who matter. But when someone says terrible things about the person who is your rock, who has been there for you at all times… it hurts. It hurts a lot!