All Those Naysayers Can Suck It

MentalDessert
Jul 21, 2017 · 3 min read

It makes people feel good to point out the weaknesses in others. It’s like a game where fucked something up and know you did. Yet, you still point at that one person to take the blame. I’ve had a lot of naysayers throughout my lifetime, mainly within the youngest portion of my life.

She’ll never be wanted.

Be happy with whatever person decides to date or be with her since you know… she’s a special sort of messed up.

She should talk more.

She should be more girly/interested in social norms/whatever other bullshit.

The thing about being exposed to this amount of blatant disappointment when you’re super young is you adapt. Those voices expressing themselves is just like white noise playing on a broken TV. It’s like Charlie Brown when the Adults talk, all you hear is incomprehensible gibberish.

I’ve created armor plates to deal with people. No one pierces this protection and so I bop through life being myself. And not giving a flying fuck. I can receive outward validation and be like, ‘oh that’s nice’ or if it’s pointless I’m like ‘well… didn’t ask your opinion. So mental headphones were turned on.’

Here’s the main thing that I’ve noticed about people’s opinions. They are mainly about themselves versus you as a person. People project their insecurities onto others, that person then projects more, and it keeps going on and on. It’s an endless cycle of a shit Show circus.

The act stops performing once you take a hard, serious look at yourself. Does this person have a point of what we’re discussing? I think every human being innately knows who they are. It’s just some know their core structure, the DNA of how they tick, while others know themselves like an acquaintance.

There’s a brief awareness of who your being is, but you don’t get uncomfortable with both the flowery bits and that not so great part of ourselves we hide from.

I’m too aware of my grungy, horrible, corroded inner mechanisms within me. The good parts where they see sunshine, and actually grow, are difficult for me to see. It’s like looking at myself through a muddy mirror. I can see a little of it but I mainly focus on the mud polluting the image.

This is why I keep people away from me. And why that armor rarely gets pierced is because I hold everyone away at a good distance. You must be this far away to see me for what I allow the world to witness about myself. Which is a pretty happy go lucky girl that’s really pumped to be in this world. I get to do an awesome career even though right now it’s our slow period.

A certain day of the week I get to geek out with science and educating people about biology.

I’m more comfortable being someone’s revelation that they need. The touching stone where they realize ‘oh shit, I am pushing my body and mind too far. It will push me back, and I don’t want it to say I’m done. Because then I don’t function anymore.’

Stress is something that we all deal with as a human species. We are constantly gripped within a flight or fight response that it’s evolutionary design isn’t intended for modern ages. A lion isn’t going to eat us if we don’t run, instead it’s our bills, relationships, whatever is overwhelming us at the moment.

That’s why whenever someone treats me with unkindness I remind myself we’re all fighting hidden battles. I seem like this girl who has her shit together and encompasses endless energy. When in truth my energy is so precious, and scarce, that I protect it like a precious commodity.

To give you my time, my space, my energy is the ultimate gift and compliment. I have so much going on in my life I feel like my head might implode. The fact is it never does, and I don’t want it to in a situation where I take that out on someone else. Because we all have our own battles to face, and naysayers to prove wrong.

This world is ours to take, and make, what we damn well please. There aren’t any limitations except the ones you place on yourself.

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MentalDessert

Written by

I'm unapologetically me with a hard edged view of life. I love to travel and have crazy amounts of fun spaced between quiet moments.

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