I Like You, Like You

MentalDessert
Jul 22, 2017 · 4 min read

It’s like a bullshit thing out of grade school. Twirling a lock of hair around your finger so tightly circulation is cut off. Your acutely aware of everything and try to disconnect from it all. Especially this weird part of your being that is craving this person.

“I like you, like you.”

Mumbled gently enough it’s hard to hear. As if it’s their intention to be misheard so that they can retract the statement in case it’s mutual. Except I’m pretty sure we’ve already crossed that threshold and establishing this innate interest.

To me it’s dangerous because I’m numb. And I like being numb because it means I don’t give a flying fuck. I do, but I’m the type of person all of my friends, or anyone who knows me, has the ability to fly, or not be there, or whatever. I don’t need constant validation or really anything.

It’s why I’ve lived for so long without friends. It’s also why people cycle in and out of my life so consistently if they do barely scratch the surface. I will never chase you, there is always that point where I’m like ‘this amount of contact from me and now it’s up to you.’

This shit can, and will not, be one sided. I don’t have the time, nor the energy really, to keep giving it to free loading energy mongers. I know the people who are busy though because of crazy jobs and schedules. All my friends can and will vanish for one month or many more. They may come back to me or not, chasing to me is the epitome of stupidity.

I’ve never gotten the ‘playing hard to get’ when it comes to friendships or any kind of relationship. Manipulative mind fucks need not apply. I will reject you as soon as your application gets sent in.

I’m at work and a phone number and voicemail flashes. The Unicorn, a man I have been putting myself more out there than most… or any. Something about him, being in such diverse fields, his intuition that rivals my own, and so much more makes me want to figure him out.

He’s forceful, and has the ability to do things with his job I couldn’t imagine. Yet, kind, soft, gentle and extremely loving with animals. I love insects as well as four legged beings much more than humans most the time.

A manager talks to me and I quickly excuse myself from the room. I’m jittery with excitement and close the door to my room. His voice plays in my ear and it feels… I can’t even describe it. Besides a smile becomes plastered on my face and I tilt my head to the side.

The phone presses firmer against my ear, as if to hear him speak clearer. The way he texts, and talks on the phone, is so different than him in person. He’s highly technical as he tells me the military time and that he’s been caught up. A bigger grin forms on my face as he let’s me know the reception is shitty where he’s going for his work.

“When I get back you and I need to do something fun. Because I don’t want anything to do with work for awhile.”

The way he says it I burst into laughter and then contain it. It’s a double entendre and him just being… him. Honest, straight up, a guy that tells you anything and everything. Yet, he’s still wrapped up in a rubix cube of mystery. Every time I turn a square it seems like it never quite aligns right.

I keep spinning the game over and over. Replaying scenarios, how he read me so accurately when no one does that. How it frustrated, annoyed, and excited me that he was so on point.

“How the hell or why the hell do you think that?”

“It’s just a feeling, a thought I have. I can’t explain it.”

That’s how my intuition works, I can play off people like the best machine ever made. I watch people’s nuances and can find out so much with so little time.

I’m not sure if I want him to see anymore of me. It’s dangerous because he’s scratching under the surface of something I don’t like to touch. That part of me I never allow to come out where I’m excited by the prospect of us eventually seeing each other and terrified.

He can unravel me like a loose string within fabric and I won’t know how to stitch it back together. My finger presses the button to call him and it rings. I expect him not to pick up because I have shitty timing.

The phone stops ringing and there’s a pause. A familiar voice that I find just as attractive as the person behind it answers.

“Hello.”

I fall down the rabbit hole without anything to pull me back up from where I’m at. My mouth opens as I take a deep breath to steady myself.


You made it to the bottom… yay. If you dig this, ❤️️ it! Please and cupcakes. (Or… that’s what they tell me to do at least.)

MentalDessert

Written by

I'm unapologetically me with a hard edged view of life. I love to travel and have crazy amounts of fun spaced between quiet moments.

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