Normalcy is smoke and mirrors

My legs and arms cross, basically all and any definition of don’t approach me. It’s instinctive and protective, a part of my self. A closed body language system that let’s people know to not engage.

I think I have something like resting bitch body language. My face isn’t the one telling people to back off and leave me be. It’s my closed in, crossed arms, prepared to tango body language. In the city I perpetuate this even more. People will approach me and I keep my head down, wits sharp about me.

When I talk this harder edge can soften depending on my mood. I can kid around and play with people sometimes. I’ve developed a quick wit in certain situations.

I’ve been told that I’m not quite something someone has come across before. For most of my life I didn’t really know about my personality type. Then, I found out I was an INTJ and something clicked. I feel like I might have had an easier time in school if teachers were warned about this. I kept to myself a lot and this worried teachers tremendously.

Heads up, this personality makes up a good portion of villains in movies.

I like to tell people how it is without a candy coating applied to my words. Most people hate it, very few seem to appreciate it. Those who do make a excruciatingly slow trek into possibly the inner sanctum. That closer look into my metaphorical minefield of a mind.

I tend to keep quiet and observe people from the sidelines. Crowds exhaust me terribly so. I don’t have many friends and it’s easy for me to cut you out and move on. I’m fiercely independent and wouldn’t want to be any other way.

I’ve been told my random getting up and leaving rooms is confusing. I just see completion of a conversation and then just go. Or, I see a conversation heading down a route I’d rather not be a participant in.

I’ve been told I can be intimidating when someone first meets me. My face is kind of blank, lost in thought, and my body language says just try to mess with me. I like to look down when approaching someone so I don’t have to say hello to them.

How does it feel to be a this kind of strange, peculiar and unusual?

I’d say rather lonely but my inner life is richer, more vibrant than the real world at times. I can be lost in my head for a long time without ever needing to come out of it. Yet, in recent years I’ve cultivated friendships with people who seem to like my honesty. And, they get my need for distance and contemplation. Plus, they provide me with rich, intellectual conversations about the human condition.

Ah, be still my non-existent heart. Of course, I have a heart, it’s essential for living. The thing is that it is just grinch sized and all.

My friends get the whole small talk makes my mind shutdown. We talk about the things that make us tick internally. I find out more about myself sometimes with them. They ask me questions I haven’t thought of. Those are the kinds of things I look forward to when we, eventually, meet up.

Ever feel like there’s something wrong with how you function versus others? I’m here to say that maybe you are the essential definition of abnormal. Normalcy is just a smoke and mirrors act anyways.

It can be a nice thing to break the mold with your being in this world. There are others out there who dig the whole complexity talking thing. It’s just hard to find them at first. They will be impossible to contact and have a lot of guards up like yourself. For some reason, they’ll see through things and understand that you’re like them. That you are a certain kind of perverse special. That’s where the fun begins in the first place.

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