How to write yourself bad: the worst of online dating

A compilation of the worst lines, worst profiles, and worst captions. Being a woman, there is no patriarchally “dignified” response I could give. Would that I could bleed my menstrual rage all over the screen..

Lines
  • U must be good at cooking desi food :)
  • I’m not so sure what to make of you. I tried reading through this online furcade you’ve built for yourself but the info is so vague and so little I can’t really pin point to what your deal is. It’s good tho. If had to take a guess I’d say you’re an introvert with decent intuition. Possible only child syndrome. I maybe wrong. I mean the chances are, I’m wrong.
  • Hey there, You haven’t particularly made my job easier… I have no idea how to talk to you, young lady! You’re attractive, spunky! random question? If money wasn’t an issue where would you wanna wake up tomorrow morning?
  • You’re on a dating website and profile has literally two words on it. People are suppose to read your mind?
  • Mmm you look quite yummy miss :P I think I’m more horny than lonely too :) [a day later, with no response] No need to be shy miss, you can say hiii :p
  • Hey.. I heard that women are supposed to be good at multitasking..is that true?
  • Your cute but how cute ??
  • Hey, Are you squishy? Be honest.
  • Hey were you checking me out or the dog? :)
  • It’s too cold to be single >.<
  • Comparing to here maybe in real life i could be ur lover lol
  • On a scale from 1 to 10 you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need
  • So introductions are a rough one in my heard, do I sound off on all the things I do in my day? Do I start off with interrogation techniques that will have you running? I wish jokes were my forte, but I ain’t there yet in the realm of writing. So here I am, offering a mental rant that, if it peaks an interest, is at least honest, and maybe that counts for something? I guess this is more of a window than an invitation, but maybe it’s a start..
  • Beauty ,,,
  • I saw your profile and had to know more about you. But it wouldn’t be fair of me to ask without sharing a bit of myself with you first. You seem like a summer morning, and I am more of an autumn’s night, on the cusp of a metamorphosis.
  • Would you join me for a day of picketing?
  • Nice eyebrows [..not the rest of my optical region??]
  • Come slide your bones over next to mine baby [Not terrible, sounds like a song lyric]
  • Why no chat hunny.. Not a fan?
  • u guna respond or guna act like a bitch??
  • you are an amazing animal (creature)…. I don’t know if we ever gonna meet or not but I witnessed something crazy (crazy as in “weirdly good”) in your profile….
  • Hypnotic with your words and looks.
  • Is a problem the distance for am awesome conversation? (poor English though not a terrible line)
  • Hey :-) gorgeous do you know what’d look good on you ? .. Me :p
  • What’s going on, how was your day besides putting a smile on everyone face?
  • can you help me? I think monotony has kidnapped my sanity….
Profiles
  • Hiya! I’m making a network of cuddly friends for group snuggles, game nights, and food-centric city adventures. If you’re interested, let’s chat!
  • I’m looking for people who will not condemn me and will be impressed by my persona, the face I present to the world.
  • Hit me up if you like a little salsa with your chips and can handle a man of many worlds.
  • i am guy respect all human biengs
  • As for myself, the harder I try to come up with something to put here, the worse I feel about my imagination. A decrepit poet, the patron saint of wasted potential and the personification of a Godless world. My life involves blithely wavering from staring at the sun to questioning the validity of Josephus’s scribblings. Consider me to be akin to RZA’s verse in Protect Ya Neck, incoherent but still making sense, enabling the Wu and apotheosizing the Genius. Curt but arrogant, wasted but sober, moral but questioning morality.
  • I’m A Very Mature and Respectful individual, Down 2 Earth (Since birth-popped out underneat the skirt-1❤), I’m also a very sarcastic dude, charming yet clever, spontaneous as well as romantic, charismatic but not cocky, witty Not greedy, all about honestie, Okay sweetie? HUH??? :-))))) Compassionate, Remorseful but NOT Forgetful, a helping person 4 all Of life’s necessity demands A.K.A reliable individual… My own description sounds like a little bit of contradictory built with’in, don’t it Huh? UH, isn’t 1 of the paths to and of learning from our mistakes called “contradicting”? WELL YEAH, I believe it is, so .. etc… Anyways, I’ll cut thru the case》E-Nuff Said about me, SO TELL me,… what’s your story?? HUH? Is there any glory within your own history? I’d like to know, but ONLY if you’re interested in wanting to share with me… Hit me up!! I don’t bite, unless JUNO ;-)
  • You need to be awake to wake me up
  • You should message me if: 420
  • 3 things that make me: 1-Driven, 2-Great Personality, 3-Educated
  • Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food: entourage
  • The six things I could never do without: 1-House Music, 2-MyCar, 3- IPHONE 4, 4- Family, 5- culture, 6-history
  • i tend to achieve all my goals
  • im am very handsome and tall
  • Im usualy out Parting, Movies, or something amazingly fun. dont msg if cant handle
Worst photo captions
  • Default photo
  • Basic btches dont msg
  • Must be this hot to ride!
  • Bottles on bottles
  • That big ;)
  • jump on ;)
  • No photoshop here plzz
  • Not my son fyi!
  • blAZed :3
  • MH’s finest
  • tha crew
  • [phone number]
  • This could be you
  • Like a baw$$
  • What dreams are made of
  • I don’t selfie but when I do it comes out magnificent
  • On one
  • U wanna tuch it ;)
  • yea i’m flexible
  • Hard as
  • u wanna squeeze
  • all about tha pu$$y
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