“See What You Made Me Do!”

The Terrifying Thought Process Behind ‘Peak Trans’

Hailey Heartless
5 min readJul 13, 2018

Image Description: A doll’s face covered in cracks. Source: unsplash.

As trans activism and anti-trans activism comes further into the consciousness of the public, the general public will also undoubtedly see some aspects of trans activism that make them uncomfortable, or downright afraid.

There are certain discussions that trans people are torn over. Many of those discussions we don’t usually have in mixed company because we know the discussion might be too much too fast for potential allies, or that we don’t have solid answers just yet. Sometimes when we have those discussions publicly, they can be offputting to the general population or allies, and may leave them with questions.

Of course, hot topics in the community aren’t the only situations that leave potential allies scratching their heads. Transgender people, particularly trans women, are often seen as an inspiration. We’re placed on a pedestal and filled with paragon expectations, so it doesn’t take much for us to become activists. In fact, some people say that every breath a trans woman takes is an act of rebellion. Given that trans women often come from a background of trauma and are often denied opportunities for education and social mobility, this is a high level of expectation to place on trans women. Since the threshold to be a trans activist is so low, and since we often lack the background to handle these expectations, many of us inevitably have a misstep or a bad take, succumb to bullying, or burn out.

When this does happen, many people feel disappointed, some allies are sympathetic, but people who hate us use it as justification for the hate they feel. Those people who hate us call this feeling, “peak trans.”

Many allies know the term “peak trans" as its reclaimed form, a moment when you’ve felt euphoric or supported as a transgender person. Before the term was reclaimed by the transgender community though, it was used as a rallying cry on hate forums, where people would share (often fabricated) stories about perceived bad behaviour by transgender people and our allies. In the words of transphobes, according to one hate site, “peak trans is the event that made you say, ‘no more!’”

I suppose at first glance, it might seem reasonable to some. Trans people have made a lot of gains in the past 10 years. In many counties we are able to transition using informed consent, we've got an easier time changing our ID, many of us don't feel as afraid of being visible. When does enough become enough?

The same logic has been applied to countless movements, including women’s suffrage, civil rights, and gay rights. It’s a logic that is based on the idea of appeasing a minority group by giving them just enough rights that they should feel gracious. The idea that we’ve given minorities enough rights, and now they’re asking for too much.

So, if we can hit peak trans, why can’t we also hit peak disabled, peak Jew, or peak POC? Of course, most of us wouldn’t stand for that. It’s a twisted logic, the logic that we can blame a group for the hate we feel for them, or the harm we inflict on them. It’s the logic behind peak trans. Following that logic, why can’t we also hit peak girlfriend?

This is where the nature of peak trans gets really dark. Blaming a group, or individuals, for the hate you have or the violence you inflict on them is absolutely nothing new. The idea that we're actually the victims in cases where we've clearly caused harm is a coping mechanism for our ego. When we talk about this phenomenon in terms of intimate partner violence, we sometimes refer to it as DARVO*, which stands for, “deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender.”

*Author's Note: As a community justice activist I normally avoid the term DARVO since it oversimplifies complex human interactions, but I'm using it in this article in order to make this writing accessible to a mainstream audience.

If you feel like drawing parallels between transphobic hate groups and abuse is too far of a reach, I’d ask you to keep in mind the forms of harassment that transphobes, particularly TERFs, engage in. Things such as intentionally triggering trans women by critiquing our looks, suicide baiting, doxxing, dogpiling and organized harassment campaigns. While not all TERFs do these things directly, they all are certainly enablers of this behaviour by facilitating and participating in spaces where this happens, turning a blind eye to violence in their spaces, and signal boosting harassment so other TERFs can participate.

We all have a need to feel like we're the good guys. Nobody likes to be the baddies, so when we’re confronted with our hate, or realize that we've committed an act of violence, it's so much easier for our ego to convince ourselves that we had no choice, or that we're the victims. It lets us maintain the belief that we're good people.

In the TERF movement, we see that justification of harm played out on hate forums under the topic of, “what's your peak trans moment?” We also see it play out in things like the Pride in London protest, when TERFs attempted to claim that they're the victims, that trans women have provoked them into arriving with messages of hate. It's an ancient justification for harm. “Look what you made me do. You brought this on yourself. If only you didn't act like that.”

So why do TERFs stockpile these stories? Partially, it’s so people recently coming to terms with the fact that they feel so much hate can have a sense that they’re not alone. Perhaps the more sinister reason though, is so that the folks who do feel hate for the trans community, and do participate in violence and targeted abuse can have a stockpile of, “bad behavior,” that allows them to never have to question their role in abuse. In their minds, it wasn’t their fault, they were provoked. It can never be their fault, because that would mean admitting that they were the baddies.

The truth is that people don't hit a point where, “enough is enough.” People feel hate or violence in their hearts and try to ignore it because, as previously stated, we need to be the good guys. Eventually they reach a point where their latent hate, the hate they've bottled up, boils over. That's peak trans. There was never an action that made trans people responsible for the hate they face, and the entire trans community is definitely not responsible for the actions of an individual.

If someone ever tells you that they’re not responsible for the hate they feel, or the violence they commit, that should be a major red flag. Minorities are never responsible for the hate and discrimination they face. Individuals are never responsible for being the victims of abuse. This belief of, “see what you made me do,” that forms the backbone of peak trans, and related campaigns like “I was called a TERF,” is an ancient, well documented form of gaslighting. Telling victims of hate and abuse that you’re only hurting them because of their actions is nothing new, it’s not revolutionary, and upholds the oldest and most violent forms of patriarchal violence against all women. In short, “peak trans,” represents a mindset which demeans us all.

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Hailey Heartless

Transsexual dominatrix & sex worker rights activist. BC Canada.