I’d like to paint you, but there are no colours
I composed a beautiful dream last night as I slept, with my mind filled with adorable images and thoughts of you, my heart filled with warmth. A butterfly was doing the circles in my stomach, weaving a beautiful feeling within me, in anticipation of what was to be. I dreamt that I have let go of myself, in your arms and enjoying the bliss I have been longing for. I wanted you to feel me in a way I have been wanting you to, to see me for who I am, for who I can be.
I am shy. After all this time, I still am. I can be awkward and self conscious too, owing to the shyness. I wanted to be different today.
I walked about with a confidence today I have not had in a long time. Believing that I would show you that side of me only I know exists. Hoping that you would like that — wanting you to like that. Wanting you to like me.
It was more about being with you today than anything else for me. I wanted to relax, have fun, be naughty, do nothing, eat, lie in your arms, stroke you, bathe with you, just sit beside you, make love to you, sleep with you, wake up next to you, find you next to me, say nothing, feel your heartbeat, twirl your moustache — it drives me crazy by the way, speak my heart out, just be.
A wonderful day ahead is what I dreamt of today, thinking it was going to be perfect. For you and for me.
I cannot tell you the gratitude I have felt for the cheerful & affectionate looks you have given me when I know you have been miserably uncomfortable. For making me smile, not many make such efforts towards me. It feels nice to say not many as against the truth that no one does.
One call shattered this. Shattered all this in an instant. Its not the end of life. But it is, of a beautiful dream — of being together, being with each other, of being there for one another.
I shall wait patiently till tomorrow before I see you, for my imagination to paint a new picture, to dream a new dream. Maybe, just maybe I will have colours to use this time.