Recipe: 42ish Shades of Green Juice

Ballerina Batman approves of this swampy juiceness

I don’t know when replacing Cs with Ks became so commercially popular, but if I were to guess, it has something to do with the Kardashian-Jenner Klan, using their media dynasty powers to normalise spelling mistakes. I see goshdarn Ks heading up previously C words as though the 11th letter of the alphabet is going to inkrease konversion rates, leading to inkreased kashflow.

Or maybe it was Mortal Kombat. Because I’d rather attribute the rampant misuse of K to an “error macro” in reality (har har: please excuse my in-joke there) than nefarious alphabet fixing by the worlds most processed reality television dynasty.

In any kase, this juice recipe is inspired by a Los Angeles juice chain whos favorite letter is also the letter K. The original recipe is Kreation Juice’s 50 Shades of Green, an outstanding mix of greens-only pressed and delivered from Marina Del Rey. But since I’ll be nixing the goitrogenic greens out of the mix, here’s my modified recipe:

42-ish Shades of Green Recipe Base:

  1. 7+ Cucumbers
  2. 2 Celery bunches
  3. 2 Parsley bunches
  4. 7+ Lettuce bunches
  5. 2 Rainbow chard bunches
  6. 3+ Dandelion greens
  7. 4 Basil bunches
  8. 2 Cilantro bunches
  9. 1 Dill
  10. 4 Fennel
  11. 2 Green Bell Peppers
  12. 1 Serrano Pepper
  13. 1 Jalapeno Pepper
  14. 1 tablespoon Spirulina per pint

This yielded approximately 8 pints of juice.

And, never capable of leaving well enough alone, I spiked the various pints with various superfoods for fun, function, and pleasure.

Enrichment #1: Golden Garlic Immune Milk

To two of the pints, I added thusly:

  1. 1 tablespoon Golden Milk blend. Turmeric. Ashwagandha. Black Pepper. Vanilla. Good for brain. And immune system.
  2. 2 tablespoons Irish Moss Gel. Iodine. Gastrointestinal support. Joy.
  3. Detox Blend Aloe. Includes: Spearmint Leaf, Milk Thistle Seeds, Echinacea Leaf, Burdock Root, Dandelion Leaf, Green Tea Leaf, Red Clover Blossoms, Blue Cohosh Root, Buckthorn Bark and Slippery Elm Bark. Om.
  4. Chaga Mushroom. Part of a well balancesd Immune System. Oetzi the traveling caveman had some of this stuff (actually, sorry, very similar Birch polypore. Silly me.) in his transsiberian everyday carry in the 5000 BC’s!
  5. 1 bulb crushed Garlic. Mmm. Sulfur. Allicin. Death to bad bugs. Life to smelling shamelessly pungent. I source my garlic from Argentina. Southern Hemisphere, inherently less radiation.
  6. 6oz Black Sunflower Seed Sprouts. Omega 3s. Live. Raw. Fiber. Taste good. Contributes to my “oil change”.

Enrichment #2: Simple Brain Fat Support

To 3 pints, I added:

  1. 1 superhuge organic avocado.
  2. 3 tbsp Irish Moss Gel
  3. 3 tbsp Detox Blend Aloe
  4. 6 oz Black Sunflower Seed Sprouts
  5. 3 tbsp Chilean Spirulina
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