Genderbent Code Monkey

I recently discovered Jonathan Coulton’s song Code Monkey. The song is the story of a “very simple man” with a boring coding job and a crush on the “pretty girl” working at the front desk. It’s catchy, riffy, and endearing for those of us who have had a few dull coding jobs and workplace crushes.

But Code Monkey’s lyrics feel a little dated now. It was released back in 2006, a decade ago. Since then, coding has changed for the better: there are lots of jobs in lots of different fields, and — slowly — the stereotypes about programmers are changing. Large companies like Google (my employer) work to increase diversity in the technical workforce and educate employees about unconscious bias, the implicit assumptions we make about what kinds of people play which work roles.

So after I heard Code Monkey (and stopped jamming along on air guitar), I started thinking about the assumptions it makes: a male programmer, a male manager, and a woman behind the front desk. This was (and is) par for the course in many workplaces. I thought it would be fun to genderbend the lyrics and see what we get.

This turns out to be pretty easy. Code Monkey is written in first caveperson, a primitive voice that avoids pronouns and complex vocabulary, and is directed at a love interest in the second person “you.”

Let’s start with Rob, the “boring manager”. He’s only mentioned twice, by name, so we just need to replace Rob with a female or ungendered name. Monsters Inc. introduced us to Roz, Scully and Mike’s drawling sluglike manager, so let’s borrow her name.

Next comes the love interest. Her gender is only mentioned once:

Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you

Swap “pretty girl” out for “pretty boy,” and we’re done. Code Monkey’s a little shallow; we’re not changing that.

Finally, Code Monkey himself. There are few instances of “he” and “his” to swap out, but the main issue is this line:

Code Monkey very simple man

“Woman” doesn’t fit, and while “girl” fits, it feels too diminutive. A couple of ungendered options:

Code Monkey very simple nerd

Code Monkey simple programmer

Here’s the whole song, bent (listen along with Emily’s Code Monkey Dance):

Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Roz
Roz say Code Monkey very diligent
But her output stink
Her code not “functional” or “elegant”
What do Code Monkey think?
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write god damned login page herself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy, just proud

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple nerd
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you

Code Monkey hang around at front desk
Tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
Bring you cup, bring you ice
You say no thank you for the soda cause
Soda make you fat
Anyway you busy with the telephone
No time for chat
Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle she sit down pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great

[chorus]

Code Monkey have every reason
To get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
See your soft pretty face
Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job “fulfilling in creative way”
Such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday she have everything even pretty boy like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow

[chorus]

That’s it!

One more change to consider. The only mention of the love interest’s occupation is on these lines:

Code Monkey hang around at front desk
…
Anyway you busy with the telephone

We can give love interest some other jobs by changing that first line:

Code Monkey hang around at tech stop
Code Monkey hang around at sales desk
Code Monkey hang around at trade floor

Now we can have a song about a gay male programmer hitting on the hot stock broker by bringing him a soda. Poor Code Monkey.