Confounded Millennials Are Ruining the Lottery Industry (Amongst Other Things)
The lottery industry is suffering because millennials refuse to give their barista wages to the government for free.
A new report released ahead of Wednesday’s $700 million lottery suggests that only 3% of millennials are buying lottery tickets, significantly lower than the 98% of baby boomers who purchase lottery tickets.
“I just don’t understand it”, stated John Thomas, head of the Municipal Lottery of Muncie, Indiana. “Millennials just don’t seem to understand that their hard earned money is better spent on a piece of paper that statistically speaking has no economic value, than say, an avocado.
“The trend is disconcerting”, Lawrence Kasbian, PhD in Economics from DeVry University’s sister school, DaFry University. “When we study economics in a capitalistic society, one of the basic tenets is that younger groups of individuals who have large economic burdens of student loans that they will never pay off buy pointless things. The fact that this trend has reversed course should give pause to all policy makers.”
We attempted to find further evidence to explain why millennials were not buying lottery tickets, but as we are millennials writing this article on Medium.com, we were naturally too lazy to do any real research on the topic.
When asked for comment, The Feministic Society of Pro-Obamacare Millennials, who represent all individuals born from 1982–2004, declined.
