Your younger self

I feel like I’m always awkward when it gets to writing the first sentence of an entry. You can see that very clearly with the text I have for you today.

I always wrote for myself, keeping my opinion stored safely in my Google Docs, but today is the day I will share one of the many things I wrote back in high school (it’s funny how I say this as if many years have passed, when it’s really just been 3 years). There are three things I want to point out before you start reading my rant:

1. Yo juraba que iba a tener resuelta mi vida una vez que cumpla 21. (Yes, that was dumb, I know that now)

2. I was procrastinating. I was supposed to be working on some project at school, but senioritis hit me hard during the second semester and writing about this seemed a lot more attractive than any essay about U.S. Government issues (sorry, Mr. White).

3. I was an awkward kid, so be prepared to cringe at certain points.

And without further ado, I present to you my 18 year-old self (and somewhat my current self, for that matter):

“I don’t know what I’m going end up writing here. Just looking for another way to procrastinate and run from my responsibilities, I guess. I think a little shout into to the void could help me steam out some stuff, or maybe be of help to whoever is reading. Well, maybe not help, since I really don’t know if complaining and ranting could be helpful at all, but whatever.

The word that perfectly describes me at this point is ugh! I’m just frustrated at myself for a number of reasons. Well, I don’t intend to start explaining the little battles I have in my head, but I will state the following: I’m really impatient. The people that know me know this very well. My impatience frustrates me and that frustration makes me impatient. I know, it’s a bit confusing. I just feel like I know what my goals are in life. NOW WAIT, this does not mean I have my life figured out, on the contrary, I don’t have anything figured out at this point. And I guess that is my main problem. I just want to get to that point in my life where I just get to work on what I love to do, travel around the world with a group of friends or maybe even with someone I love, feel as if my life has some sort of purpose again. I just want to feel hope, faith even, and have someone have faith in me. One of the most important people in my life keeps saying, “Just accept this time, and laugh at all this confusion you have now. You’ll find a way out of it soon enough, but in the meantime, just enjoy it!” I’m sorry dear, but how am I supposed to enjoy this big nothing I have in my head right now? Did you not hear? Did you not understand what I’ve been saying? I feel like I have no purpose, no short-term dream, absolutely no idea of how to get from the dream to the reality.

I’m sidetracking a little bit, back to the original rant.

I’ve always considered myself to be a carefree person, yet for some reason I have become rather uptight, and I have gotten to a point in my life where I see myself going through this awkward uptight stage where I know the step out of this is discovering a new me. And it bothers me so much that I haven’t gotten to that point of enlightenment yet. The worse thing about it is that I know I’ll be out of it under my consent, yet I don’t do anything about it. I’m not asking anyone to do anything about this, or to give me a word of advice. As I said in the beginning, I need to shout into nothingness in order to steam out some of this frustration.

I don’t know if this means anything, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have lost myself somewhere between a year ago and now and I’m just trying to bring myself back together, stronger, but I still haven’t found all those pieces yet.”

To conclude, I would like to state three things:

1. I am far from having anything figured out at this point in my life, but I am a lot less uncomfortable with what the future has ahead.

2. I don’t think I have brought myself back together completely just yet, but I do feel comfortable in my own skin, and I think that is super important. Not only for me, but any young woman that currently has or had in the past any type of insecurity with self-image.

3. I am proud of the accomplishments I’ve had since then. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from different types of experiences: work, college, friendships, they all build you up in such an amazing way.

We need to have the ability of overcoming our insecurities and see what lies ahead of us. Even though at times things could look kind of cloudy, we have to be confidant with our gifts and talents and know that if we have a strong mindset and a goal, we will be able to get passed those awkward stages. And by doing this, you might just impress your younger self.

Like what you read? Give s e r a h a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.