On The Death Of A Brilliant Public Servant

I shall now proceed, with great enthusiasm and passion, to speak ill of the dead.

Please do not mistake my energy for joy. He sought to take it away from so many people I love. I can summon, at best, relief.

It does not negate any empathy for the family of the deceased to point out that the deceased actively ruined lives for decades.

I’m sorry, am I supposed to be RESPECTFULLY SAD that a racist anti-gay non-elected official with the power to rule my personal life died?


He said my friends and I shouldn’t be able to have families.

Am I supposed to “respect” that?

Am I supposed to wait a moment because there are people he was kind to in life, who he hugged, to whom he lent money and a shoulder to cry on? Because he was probably a nice dad to his kids, and a nice neighbor, and just a real smart guy altogether? Because he got good grades? Because some liberal buddies looked the other way and loved him?

Fascinating. Tell me more. But wait- first, I’ve got an anecdote.

I have a couple of friends, lovely hard-working women, who are raising a beautiful, smart little girl together. They’re legally married and they are her legal parents. She’s a toddler and she walks like a drunk man, but she’s well-cared for and loved. Sometimes she wears a Supergirl onesie. She makes her toys talk to each other.

Antonin Scalia actively and bitterly opposed same-sex marriage. He also opposed legal adoption of a child by two partners of the same sex.

Am I supposed to not speak ill of a man who spoke ill of so many of us?


He was also an active and wildly enthusiastic foe of gay butt sex (which I OBVIOUSLY agree with because gay men are a DISASTER) and felt state laws against masturbation were just as important as state laws against incest.

Let’s take a look at a lil’ excerpt from an article in the godless liberal Jew paper The New York Times. I’m sorry. But they quote his own writings on his favorite topic:

In his 2003 Lawrence v. Texas dissent, which the Princeton freshman no doubt had in mind, Justice Scalia argued that if state sodomy bans are unconstitutional, then a slew of other bans are, too: “State laws against bigamy, same-sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality, and obscenity are likewise sustainable only in light of [a previous decision validating] laws based on moral choices.”

So if you’ve ever cheated on your spouse, loved someone of the same sex, said bad words in public, or jacked off, you have my sympathies. Antonin Scalia will return to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

You can keep your “wait ’til the body’s cold” because that man’s heart was cold for years.

I’m glad he and RBG were friends. That’s very nice. Most people are wonderfully kind to those they love personally and can see and hug, people who affect their day-to-day lives and self-interest. They care because these people are flesh and blood and real. And they have to deal with them regularly. It’s really in their best interest to be sweethearts.

Show me a man who gives a flying heck about people he’ll never meet — the poor, the downtrodden, the oppressed, the lonely — and I’ll feel bad he passed away in his sleep, peacefully, on some fancy hunting trip on a luxury resort. You know, like the trips he took with Dick Cheney. I’m not sure how Scalia justified his stance on homosexual rights to a pal who has a daughter who is a public figure and has long been out of the closet, but hey, hunting’s fun!

I shall now continue to speak ill of the dead.

I am not aware of any law, moral or otherwise, that confers sainthood upon every person who dies. In that case, Walt Disney, Pol Pot, and all our great-great-great-great-great grandfathers are due some worship, STAT.

If he wanted respect in death, the man should’ve shown it to more people in life.

He didn’t turn into a good person as soon as his pulse stopped. He was permitted to live and die with the dignity he did not allow others. I’m glad he apparently didn’t suffer in death the way he made others suffer in life.

Now let’s get a great new justice in there. Personally, I’d be happy to see a Justice Obama — and if you think I’m talking about Barack, sorry, you’ve got the wrong spouse.