On Advocating for Those Who Aren’t Like You

I have spent the last few weeks in inner turmoil about the discussion around Vivek Wadhwa. Vivek has, for a long time, fought the good fight to get more eyes on women in this technical debate. I was on a panel with him once, and we were both interviewed on the Washington Post about diversity issues. He seemed nice, and well intentioned enough.

I can only relate to what has been happening by to comparing it to my own experience advocating for people of color. It’s an issue I care very much about, however, I try to be sensitive given my caucasian background and inability to relate in many ways.

There have been quite a few times my friends of color have corrected me, or set me straight on an issue when they have felt that I was wrong. In each of these situations I have tried to listen, not get defensive, and incorporate their feedback into my activism and opinions. I’ve taken a step back and been silent for a bit so they can be heard and I’m not a voice of dissent.

While I appreciate what Wadhwa has tried to do for women, he doesn’t identify as a woman. When women are giving him feedback about his message and activism; telling them that they are wrong shows an attitude that says “don’t worry, I know what is best for you.” Knowing that he can’t relate to the experience isn’t enough for him to question his approach. I believe many articles have called it “Paternalistic” and I agree, that is the message that has been sent.

I think the moral here, for all of us #SJW, is that often we are advocating for people that have different backgrounds and experiences than us. When they disagree with the messages we are sending, even trying to “help”, we need to listen and take a step back to reframe our message.

That’s it. I thought this would be a good chance to try the shorter Medium format.