Sorry Ma’am But You Dropped Your Tampon
Disclaimer: I refuse to write a disclaimer.
I found a tampon on the sidewalk during my walk home today. No applicator. No blood. Just a sad looking unused tampon laying outside Bachmann’s in south Minneapolis.
Instead of being horrified or disgusted or annoyed, my first thought was, “What series of events led to this?”
I devised several:
- The first day hit and it hit HARD so maybe it was a dire situation where just before entering the floral shop, this leaky boat needed to be plugged.
- Maybe that sucker was soaked in vodka. No further details needed.
- Runny nose? No Kleenex? No problem.
- Want a free meal? Stick that baby into your soup and complain to the waiter. Tampons are the new fake fly.
- Road rage — always keep loose tampons in the car to throw at all the terrible drivers because THEY’RE ALL TERRIBLE DRIVERS. Each one of them.
- Ant life boat for the next spring storm. A curious child found this mysterious ball of cotton in the bathroom, saw its water adsorbing abilities, and sent forth to save them all.
All are possible, but none will be proven true. May we all struggle to put together the pieces that are the story building blocks of discarded feminine products/condoms/street underwear.
© May 2016