Calling Feminists ‘Man-Haters’ Only Exposes Truths About Yourself, Here’s Why

Sarah Wood
Apr 18, 2018 · 5 min read
Photo credit: InfoWire.dk/flickr (CC0)

As women fight back against the systemic injustices that run rampant in our social structure, there’s undoubtedly, and expectedly, a lot of pushback. A shift in power is uncomfortable for those who like the status quo exactly as it is — men in roles of power, mostly white men, able to dictate rules, laws, company guidelines, deadlines, religious doctrine, etc. etc. etc.

However, instead of acknowledging that these inequalities exist, and instead of embracing the idea of parity, there are many who get very, very defensive. It’s brutally obvious and once you actually see it, it’s pretty hard to ever not see again.

The quickest way to spot the most obvious of these uncomfortable people are the ones who like to say that feminists aren’t necessary anymore, and some even go on to say that feminism is, in and of itself, evil. The most common thing said is that feminists are “man-haters.”

First of all, this just isn’t true. Ask most feminists and they’ll tell you they don’t “hate men” they hate engrained ideologies that hold women back. Secondly, and I speak for myself, I don’t hate men, I hate a**holes. Big difference. Huge.

Let’s break this down into a simple example: You and a sibling (or friend) are given a banana to share. It’s the only food in the house. It’s all you have. The banana is then cut and 80 percent of it is given to your sibling. Your mom tells you to enjoy your 20 percent of banana and this is just the way it goes.

Seems pretty unfair, right? Why does the other person get so much more without actually earning it? They just get it. No questions asked. Now, think of the banana as society, and your mom as the status quo. Now, normally, you’d never challenge your mom, you’d listen to her explicitly, but this clear banana inequality is pretty brutal so you force yourself to speak up. Because you have to, otherwise you’re likely to go hungry.

We’re all given this same planet, same country, same town, but the rules have been written to hold women back. The bromance ideology found in many companies, governments and religions, one that is so engrained most don’t even see it, is holding women back. Then, when women have the audacity to speak up and point out these clear injustices, they are immediately labeled “man-haters” just because they challenge the status quo.

No, we just want an equal chance to thrive. Where’s our other 30 percent of banana? And if you don’t allow us to have it, we’re gonna have to just take it.


Right now, women are taking their power back. We’ve always had it, we’re not weaker, it was just stifled by those who seek superiority and think they are deserved of so much more in life just for being male. They aren’t. And Biblical writings about Eve, writings written by men, aren’t about to ever prove a point that women are deserving of less.

When you call a feminist, a woman steadfast in her journey to grab parity back for all women regardless of race, socio-economic status, or religion, a “man-hater” it says far more about you than it does anything else. It exposes the fact that you may believe feminists are targeting you and your ideology. The ideology of the archaic, male-dominated status quo. It makes you personally feel uncomfortable. So, ask yourself why it makes you feel so uncomfortable, and so eager to prove feminism wrong.

It exposes the fact that you’re not as capable of broad ideas and may actually feel threatened by women. All because they want an equal seat at the table. A seat they’ve earned with advanced degrees and years of experience. It exposes that you may think men are better just because they’re men, when the truth shows women are just as smart and capable and physical strength varies from person to person, not male to female. I was MVP of my high school track and field team and earned it through the most points scored for throwing events. I guarantee, in my prime, I could’ve out-thrown most men. So, let’s lay that myth to bed. Also, physical strength doesn’t dictate dominance in modern-day society — we’re not polar bears.

While I’m at it, let’s also put the myth to bed that women are more emotional. Both genders have emotion. If you’re an apathetic man without the ability to feel, that’s indicative of a larger problem. Let’s stop looking at the ability to feel as a bad thing. We should all have emotions. Saying women are incapable of more because they have the ability to feel? C’mon now, that’s just silly and proof of a larger effort to diminish women and everything that makes women the well-rounded individuals they are, and that most should seek to emulate.

Let’s not forget the “not all men” crowd. The ones who aren’t staunchly anti-feminism but tell us they don’t want to be placed under the same umbrella as the status quo loving men. These men espouse the same ideology as the “all lives matter” folks. It’s as if they’re incapable of seeing that criticizing systemic injustices are just that — pointing out injustice. But now they’ve made it all about themselves. We say black lives matter, not because all other lives don’t matter, but because black lives should matter, too. Saying “not all men” just turned the spotlight of female inequality back onto yourself as though you’re the actual victim in all this — you’re not — so stop. Be an ally for women without making it about you.


To the men who lift women up and open doors and listen and fight injustice with us, we see you, and thank you. You march alongside us and help light up the world using your privilege for good instead of evil.

To the men who still seek to “keep women in their place” as breeders and to be of service to men whenever they see fit and seek to hold women back just because you can, we see you, and f*ck you. You are the a**holes I mentioned earlier.

Feminists aren’t “man-haters” and saying that is just indicative of laziness, fragile-mindedness and fear. Fear that how we’re shaking things up is actually shaking things up. And we’re definitely steadfast in shaking things up.

We’re getting the rest of our banana whether you like it or not.

Sarah Wood

Written by

Writer & Satirist. Creator @FreeWoodPost. Sax Player. Lover of Art. Hiker of trails. Boston fan. Host of @SWvarietyhour — Writer for hire. sarahwoodwriter.com

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade