Top Tips To Feel Better

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

There was a period of time when I felt numb. I was scared I couldn’t feel anything. I nearly resigned myself to the fact that I would never feel joy again. I missed the ability to talk to people. I missed being happy. I missed things that came easily to me. I hated obsessing over every little detail. I would replay scenarios again and again in my head. I still obsess over the smallest of things.

At it’s height, the things I loved doing went to the wayside — photography, reading, writing, music — gone. I gave up on my blogs and concentrated on myself. I didn’t have the energy to write let alone worry about my blog stats. Besides, I knew people were not reading the blogs which in turn, aggravated my anxiety and was reinforcing that I wasn’t a good enough writer.

I decided to write about my struggles for Mental Health Day and I was overwhelmed with the response. I posted it late at night and I didn’t sleep very well. I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. It felt like the right thing to do and I knew I wanted to be part of the conversation. When I read all the comments and messages, I knew I had struck chord. I was really humbled by those who shared their experience and I hope it’s helped you as it has me. These conversations are so important so let’s keep talking.

Over the years, I have tried lots of things to try and feel something. I couldn’t live the way I was feeling. It’s exhausting but I and I alone needed to do something. I wanted to share with you some of the things I tried. They may or may not help.

1. Write down three positive things that happened to you. It doesn’t matter what they are and don’t compare yourself to anyone else. If it’s just getting out of bed and brushing your teeth, put that down. Keep a diary and then over the coming weeks you can see how you progressed.
2. Keep a compliments jar. Every time someone says something nice, make a note and pop it in your jar. When you’re feeling low about yourself, open up the jar and see all the nice things people have said to you. Take all the compliments and don’t discriminate which ones go in your jar. Put them all in.
3. Try something you’ve always wanted to do. Unless it’s murder. Don’t do murder. I don’t advocate it or any other evil intent. But jokes aside, why can’t you do it? At least you’ve tried, right? Be realistic though otherwise you’re setting yourself up to fail. Want to be an astronaut? Why not try an evening course in Space Science? Or go to a talk on Astrophysics… on your own! I’ve had a hankering of being on stage so did an improv course and performed in the West End. Was I shit? Of course I was, but you’ve got to start somewhere. Improv was great as the biggest laughs were when you failed and I laughed for three hours on a weekly basis.
4. About being on your own… Don’t wait on other people to do things with. When I wanted to go for a coffee, I’ll take a book with me. My book is my shield. I’m there with intent. I’ve even gone to a cafe and sorted out my printed photos for my albums. Go to an art gallery. They’re full of people on their own. I know people who like going to the cinema on their own. It’s all about attitude. I tell myself ‘don’t give a fuck, don’t give a fuck, don’t give a fuck’. It’s a great mantra.
5. The biggie — exercise. You may hate it but there’s lots of research showing how being active helps mental wellbeing. As I mentioned in my previous post, I bought a bike to cycle to the station. Just being out and about with the wind in my hair as I hurtled down a hill was exhilarating and I loved it. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of the door but think of the achievement you will feel when you come back. Try and get outdoors — it does wonders for your mood. Go for a walk, even if it’s around the block.
6. I love a good shower in the evening. I like washing off the day. I used to think of my problems being caught up in the water and imagine them going down the plughole and let the problem literally drain away from me.
7. And on visualisation — when I couldn’t get to sleep I would imagine being a wood or a lake and mentally take a walk as I was trying to get to sleep. The more you worry about not getting enough sleep, the more you won’t get to sleep. I would imagine myself picking over logs, breathe in the clean air, looking at the trees, doing what I normally do on a walk.
8. Be honest and allow yourself to feel. These are your feelings and you’re allowed to have them. You might have misread the situation (and here I have done this many-a-time) but feel it and then decide how you want to react to it.
9. Some of the biggest joys in life is having a good old laugh. When you’re dealing with anxiety, there’s not much to smile about so you have to find it. For me it was watching the IT Crowd again and the improv course.
10. Overindulge in the worry. Set aside 10 mins to worry and write it down. Think of all the things that could go wrong and when that 10 mins is up, that’s it, your worry time is over.
11. In the mornings, write a stream of consciousness. Don’t think about what you are writing, just write. Keep it and look at it in six months.
12. Be brave and talk to someone. I believe that bottling it up will manifest into something else and potentially become a physical symptom. It could be a friend but if things are really overwhelming, see your GP or seek a counsellor. There is no shame in asking for help. I’ve found counselling a huge help even though it was bloody hard. It gives you that safe space to talk to someone who won’t judge you. That hour is your hour.

I’m currently looking into is mindfulness. The idea is to take the heat out of the moment and take a step back. I went to see Ruby Wax give a talk on mindfulness a few months ago — yes, I went on my own — and I found it really useful. Her latest book is called A Mindfulness’s Guide For The Frazzled and she has a six week course based on Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy within the book. She herself suffers from mental health issues and she wanted to find out what was going on with her brain. She decided to do a Masters degree at Oxford so her books are based on science and her own experience. It’s really fascinating.

Finally, don’t expect too much from yourself. For me, there wasn’t a defining moment that I can say yes, I’m happy. It was a gradual and slow process and I still have my down days. Anxiety and depression has shaped me and I’ve tried to be philosophical and learn for each situation. You need time to heal so take it easy and be kind to yourself.

I hope something in this list has helped. Everyone has their own coping strategies. What have you tried?