Where My Demons Hide

I feel like I’m fighting my demons every day… I’m not sure whether today is the day that I’m going to use the rope to pull myself back up or if today’s the day I’m finally going to let the demons swallow me up and just kick the chair out from under my feet and be done with it.

I saw a doctor once who said they felt like I was bipolar. That’s an awful label to be stuck with. And it stings alot when it gets thrown into your face when you’re just having a bad day. I personally deal with depression more than anything, and do not feel like I’m bipolar. I feel like I am severly depressed, and no one notices it.

I guess over the years I must have gotten better at hiding it. I smile when I’m falling apart inside. I only cry to myself mostly anymore. I think about cutting myself, but I pull on my self control, and don’t do it. And when I’m all alone, I fight the demons away that creep in with the thoughts of just being done with it.

I have no one I can talk to. I’m not sure why I started writing other than I just needed and outlet to vent. I hope like hell that it helps. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not crying out for help, or saying I’m going to commit suicide. I just need a place to say what is bottled up inside.