Smackdown Live Recap — 14/3/17

Smackdown Live is the worst two hours of televised wrestling every week.

I couldn’t even imagine Impact being this bad.

It’s impossible to defend the kind of rubbish that they’ve been serving up recently.

Almost every single storyline is compete garbage, and the one that isn’t garbage (AJ/Shane) is a storyline and match literally nobody wants to see.

Daniel Bryan Backstage Segment

We kick off the show and Daniel Bryan is on the phone talking to somebody about all the things they have planned tonight.

AJ Styles interrupts and asks where Shane McMahon is.

AJ is furious at the moment and says he’s going down to the ring to address things.

We then cut to the commentary table where it’s only JBL and Tom Phillips.

For a moment I thought they’d finally cut the dead weight from the team and were allowing Phillips to run the show, but nope, Otunga and Mauro just couldn’t make it because of the snow storm.

AJ Styles In-Ring Promo

AJ says he’s sick of being missed with and shows just how idiotic it is that he isn’t in a triple threat match for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania.

He then gets mad that he doesn’t even have a match at WrestleMania this year.

The promo finishes with him storming off and saying he’s going to have a “conversation” with Shane about his career tonight.

Becky Lynch vs. Natalya

The show the graphic for the Women’s Championship match at WrestleMania and it just shows four women.

I really couldn’t care less about this match.

I hate these two.

They’re both so unnatural in the ring, it’s like robots trying to wrestle each other.

Becky Lynch wins and after the match Carmella attacks both women.

Carmella Backstage Interview

Carmella announces she’ll be in the match.

No shit, Daniel Bryan said every woman on the roster available would be in the match.

Miz TV

The Miz announces that his special guests are none other than himself and Maryse.

He says they’re going to give an in-depth look into the frauds that Nikki Bella and John Cena are.

All this marriage talk is making it seem pretty obvious that Cena is going to propose to Nikki at WrestleMania.

Maryse brings up the Bellas backstabbing her and Kelly Kelly when there were talks about them being brought back for Total Divas.

I’m pretty sure Maria was also involved in this, so I think only mentioning Kelly Kelly was a little nod to her returning.

Judging by Kelly Kelly’s Instagram it looks like she’s training for a return, so she’ll probably in the Women’s Championship match.

John Cena and Nikki Bella then interrupt and Nikki stops Cena from speaking.

Nikki is so bad on the mic it’s actually embarassing.

She says she was never best friends with Maryse and she wants to fight her, but The Miz and Maryse decline.

Daniel Bryan then interrupts and announces the mixed tag match for WrestleMania.

Mickie James vs. Alexa Bliss

Mickie James wins via Mick Kick.

Who cares?

AJ Styles Backstage Interview

AJ is waiting in the parking garage area.

Renee Young comes to interview him and he says he’s going to get his thrills where he can.

Shane McMahon arrives.

Why is he only arriving with 30 minutes left in the show?

AJ blindsides Shane and starts attacking him.

He throws him throw a car window.

This feud is intense and the best thing on Smackdown, but what a fucking waste of AJ Styles.

Shane gets taken to the trainers room by Finlay.

AJ Styles Backstage Segment

The Usos and Curt Hawkins yell at him the locker room.

Weird.

As he’s leaving the locker room he’s stopped by Daniel Bryan and security.

AJ asks if he’s going to fire him.

Bryan says yes.

Mojo Rawley vs. Dolph Ziggler

Smackdown Live is pure dog shit.

Who wants to see this match three weeks away from WrestleMania?

Dolph Ziggler deliberately gets counted out fro some reason.

The crowd also starts doing the dumb 10 chant during the count out.

Note: They show a reply of Shane’s head going through the window and for some reason there’s a shot from inside the car. Why?

Randy Orton In-Ring Promo

I feel like Randy Orton hasn’t been interesting in a decade.

Randy explains his dumb plan and some of the stuff he’s saying is some real late 90s type corny bullshit.

Bray Wyatt then appears on the Titan Tron.

He says Sister Abigail is the spawn of Satan and that he has now consume her powers.

He then rubs her ashes on his body.

This is giving me war flashbacks of Katie Vick.

Baron Corbin Backstage Segment

Corbin is just hanging out next to an elevator.

He says he didn’t cross a line last week and he’s going to take everything from Dean Ambrose at WrestleMania.

American Alpha vs. The Usos

HOLY SHIT THEY REMEMBERED THAT TAG TEAMS EXIST.

This is also the main event of Smackdown lmao.

On commentary they keep trying to put over the titles and the division, but they keep cutting to Shane walking around backstage.

The Smackdown Tag division is the worst thing in wrestling right now.

The crowd starts a “We want Angle” chant.

We then cut back to Shane who says he’s heading to the ring.

The Usos get the win. The crowd goes mild.

Shane McMahon Promo

He announces he’ll face AJ at WrestleMania.

Who the hell wants this?

Verdict:

Garbage.

Hot garbage.