Get the Words Out

I have loved words for as long as I can remember. From the time I learned how to talk I was a chatterbox. My brother didn’t talk for several years, because I did all the talking for him. I woke up in the morning talking and when my head hit the pillow at night I was still thinking of more things to say.

I remember the moment when I first felt that my words were unattractive and unwanted by those around me. I was sitting in a classroom and someone made a comment about how I never let anyone else talk. From that moment on I worked to stay quiet, to keep my thoughts to myself, to wake up silent.

My fears about what people thought about my words grew when I was put on a medication that made it difficult to think of words and made concentrating difficult. Conversations became something to work at and so I retreated even further into myself. If I didn’t know you well, I might not talk to you at all.

I have since changed the way I approach talking. I no longer stay quiet out of fear of what people think, but I no longer talk just to hear my own thoughts out loud either. I have learned that most of the things I think don’t have to be said, so I work to voice the most important ones. That gives me more time to think of the words I want to use to say exactly how I feel.

But I have realized recently that I live the majority of my day in my head, I daydream, I plan, and I have a constant playlist running through my mind. And so in order to get a little more order and room in my head, I have decided to start writing out some of my many thoughts. Whether anyone reads them or not is up to you, my goal is just to get them out of my head.

“Your head is a living forest full of song birds.” — E.E. Cummings

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