The Second Date

No one talks about the nerve-racking, aggravating second date.

For me, it is the most intense moment out of all my encounters with that person. It is as intense as reading my horoscope on a Monday morning over coffee; the prediction may or may not spoil the rest of my day, but it somehow made the bitterness of my coffee more apparent.

Second date plays with my mind; and most definitely, it messes up my emotion. It is that state of doubt that I know I have to go through. It adds a certain kind of stress, the same kind of stress that picking my college major gave me, or the stress of sending that “I Quit!” email to the HR. It is the knowing that I can handle making the decision, but I have to really, really think about it.

The pressure to choose my next adventure; and to make the “right” decision is overwhelming me. It is indeed scary and it signals the red lights of “responsibility” all over it. And of course, the stress when you start to delve into love and relationships is on a different level, as I believe that love is one of the biggest adventures you can take in your life.

The journey started with the first meeting. And it went successfully (yay me!). I have climbed over the first mountain. But here comes Mount Everest; I am meeting him for second date!

If first dates are the first chapter of a new book, second dates are those moments where you paused, proceed to check the author, and read the synopsis of the book again. Second dates are that kind of crossroads. There are stop signs, moments of realization: “Which way should I go on?”

Second date elevates or depreciates my chances to be in a real, loving relationship with that person. And that is a freaking big deal. In comparison with the notorious first date, I feel a different kind of nervous. It was like the first day of the second semester in Uni; everything was kind of familiar to me but I still worried about the venue of the lecturer halls. It was irritating to get lost, when you were supposed to know your way.

All the articles telling me to calm down and have a BIBO (breathe in, breathe out) before the date. But here I am at the office, writing my thoughts down while waiting for the clock to hit 6.

Yeah, we met through “the app” first. And we did fuck. But this time is different. I want to make it different. Maybe I should not pressurring myself to make this one stays. Perhaps I fancy him too much for me to admit it (gosh I’m admitting it now!), and perhaps I just want to not be single anymore. I don’t really know.

I keep telling myself to remain positive: “It will be okay.” The fact that we have been texting back-and-forth for two weeks really helps me gather my confidence. Hmm, Fuck You Everest, “Ain’t no mountain high enough!”