The Life of a Shadow

As an introvert with social anxiety and a wacky inner mechanism called a brain, I’ve found that the word ‘lonely’ could easily describe 90% of my life (the other 10% being ‘invisible.’)

Up until recently (2 years ago to be exact) I had desperately wanted to fit into the ‘inner society’ of my school. You know, the same old story of wanting to be an accepted member of ‘the cool kids.’ I am most definitely NOT a cool kid, and half (emphasis on half) of the people I surrounded myself with at that time, definitely didn’t want much to do with me. That’s when I found refuge with the aptly titled ‘weird group,’ and found myself smack bang on the bottom of the school’s ‘social hierarchy.’

Eventually people started to forget about my existence (as happens when someone is no longer seen) or they just stopped caring (more likely.) But this is where the fun begins. Originally the idea of being the next best thing to invisible upset me, but come on, we all know invisibility is a super power for a reason, and it is a very good reason too.

If I stay in a room for long enough without saying anything, people literally forget that I’m there, (well maybe not literally) and what happens when you’re in a silent, ‘empty’ room … well, you gossip. I have heard a lot of interesting things since fading into the shadows. And you may think I’m rather rude for eavesdropping, but it’s a silent room and they’re not trying to be quiet, (not to mention, some of the time they’re sitting right next to me.) It’s quite impossible not to eavesdrop. But I assure you, I don’t use the information against them or tell anyone. It’s just for my personal interest and satisfaction.

I say satisfaction because when I was trying to be ‘one of the cool kids,’ most people made it a point to specifically not tell me anything. They never notified me on what was happening in the group or told me any ‘secrets.’ I felt really left out when people were all in on some information I wasn’t privy to. But currently, I’ve been getting all the information without even wanting to know it.

I always thought that being a shadow would be bad, but it’s nice to know that if a ever got a job as an assassin, or decided to become a thief, I’d be pretty damn good at it. (I’m kidding, I’m kidding.) But the fact that they say such things in my vicinity astounds me. My personal favourite topic is; ‘what do you think about the weird group,’ aka. my friends group. I may be part masochist due to the fact I loooove hearing other people’s brutally honest opinions of me, but I’ve never been offended by the things they’ve said. Usually, I’m tucking all the information away into a secret corner of my brain, so if I ever needed to use the information, I’d know exactly where to find it.

It’s funny how I went from a girl who was too timid to even stand next to another person, to someone who’s secretly building up sabotage material, just in case there’s ever a situation where it’s needed. But all in all, I’ve found that being invisible has an upside, well at least if you want to be a criminal.

Wait, invisibility was supposed to be a superpower … shit!