Why you shouldn’t eat watermelon before anal sex

Due to the nature of anal sex, this post has to deal with the details of digestion, specifically the remains of the food you have eaten. If you don’t think you can handle reading about fecal matter, then I suggest you to leave immediately.

Now, since our anus is not just for anal sex, preparing ourselves to receive it can be a tedious and often disgusting task. The best way to go about it is to change your diet accoringly. But sadly, there is no “one-size-fits-all” solution you just google. Every body is different and everybody has to find out which food they can digest well and how much water they should drink during the day. For me, salad works well! Low fat and low sugar work good too. Certain foods, especially mexican food, doesn’t work well at all.

How digestion works

Biology class may already be in the long forgotten past for some of you, so I think this is a good time to explain roughly how your body digests food. However, please don’t cite this post in your Master thesis.

First of all, when we chew and swallow food, enzymes begin to break the food apart. The acid in your stomache helps with it and turns it into a liquid, which makes absorption of the nutrients easier. On the way through your intestines, water is absorbed and instead the fecal matter is filled with all sorts of waste of your body’s processes, such as filtered out dead blood cells (which give it the distinct brown color, by the way) and other such materials.

Would we just stop here, we’d have a problem. The fecal matter would literally get stuck inside us. So, our body developed a sort-of lubricant system inside our intestines, which helps the fecal matter move down the intestines and out of our body. This is also a reason why hydration is important.

Why watermelon is bad

When you prepare for anal sex, you’ll likely apply some lube and other fluids to your anus, which will then also wind up inside you. This will cause your natural lube to thin a little, almost to the point of where it’s like water.

When your body digests watermelon, substances which cause red coloring get released. During normal digestion, this is barely noticable. I mean, who would ever look at their fecal matter and realize it’s slightly redder than usual?

But during anal sex, this red colouring mixes with your lube and it looks horrifyingly like blood! Now, any sensible person would know that, when you play with your butt and blood comes out, you should instantly call an ambulance. But this might come expensive, especially if it turns out you are actually not in danger and are just looking at leftover watermelon.

So please, save yourselves the stress and terror and just don’t eat watermelon before engaging in anal play.