4 Ways to be a Better Husband
Because you’re a pretty shitty one
Remember all that hard work you used to put in to wooing her back in the days of chivalry and courtship? Yeah, you really let go since then, man. I see you in that nasty ass t-shirt and those sweatpants you would’ve never been caught dead in when you were first trying to get her to date you. You went from writing love letters/texts to this? Really? I can hear you now, “C’mon man, we love each other, we’re just comfortable around each other now”. I’ll throw the bullshit flag on that one all day. What you mean to say is “I got her, and then I got lazy”. Congrats, you’re one of us; The putrid partners who stopped showing our spouses how much they mean to us. And you’re suffering because you suck so bad at being a husband, aren’t you? You’re probably a few pounds heavier, and you don’t look as good as you did back when you met, either. You should be trying HARDER, not letting off the gas!
If only there were someone who could crack the code and give you a couple easy steps to become SUPERHUSBAND. We’ve put together 4 easy things to do that are sure to cover your spouse’s love language — hell, you can even automate some of them. Remember, your love language may not be her love language, so we recommend doing all of these — not just one.
1. Text her one nice thing everyday
Seriously — this one is so easy. Listen, we know that since the smartphone was invented, bathroom time has skyrocketed. You might be reading the news, getting lost in your Instagram or Twitter feed. But, why not send your significant other a nice message instead? Seriously! It literally takes 5 seconds. For those with “words of affirmation” love languages out there this is perfect for you. Need help finding nice one liners to say? Go here and pick your favorite. There’s an arsenal of nice things to say for a third of the year! Then get back to Instagram, of course.
2. Schedule Flowers (automate this one)
You were probably a regular Don Juan back in the day and bought her flowers just because, didn’t you? The master of the “receiving gifts” love language. Well, have you ever forgotten your anniversary, mother’s day, or a birthday? I have. I can tell you — it fucking sucks. Nothing makes you feel more worthless as a significant other and nothing makes them feel like a bigger INsignificant other. Luckily, the amazing folks at ScheduleFlowers.com have gone off and created a website that remembers your special dates for you, AND orders flowers for you under the budget you set. Never forget again with ScheduleFlowers.com. You can even set up a regular monthly delivery of “just because” flowers, if you want! It’s the ultimate bad husband insurance. You show you care to remember and you buy her things! After all…girls LOVE things.
3. Touch her shoulder/back and say “How’s it going?”
Someone may read this and cringe. If that’s you, close your browser now and change your situation, bruh. Life is short. For everyone else with a heart in their body that hasn’t turned black and isn’t as cold as ice this one is super easy and we’ve found that if you do it enough times you literally become trained to do it. They’ll get that “physical touch” love language that they’re desperately after and feel like you’ve actually rekindled an interest in them. Yowza! It’s so easy.
4. Schedule a date (for real)
“What you talkin’ bout bro? We watch Netflix all the time together”. No, bruh. Remember when you actually said “Yo girl, want to go out Friyay night? To dinner or some putt putt or somethin’?” — and you actually TALKED to her? If you’re like me, dates went out the window a long time ago. Especially if you have kids — then forget about it, you’re lucky to get a word in edgewise between being a personal taxi/chef/tutor/everything else. Get a babysitter, make it happen. If you can’t go out, send her an invite on her calendar, cook her a meal (or order in), turn off the TV, dim the lights a bit, and just talk. Take an interest again! Don’t stay surface level about the weather and how their day was — get deep, man! Ask her about her hopes and dreams, what she wants out of life in the future! We’ve all got some dreams, don’t we? Perfect for that “quality time” love language.