The trouble with new adventures and depression

It’s not a fun topic, but it’s real. I’m real, you are real, and if we can all be adults and talk about our struggles without judgement and trite advice we’d all be better off. I’ve struggled with depression since college. Each new life change causes that depression to flair up, and until I learn a new way to cope, I’m here in this dark place. I saw this latest bout coming when we moved into a bus and moved to a little town on the coast.

It’s not the isolation. Let me just say that right off the bat. Many who know me would think that, but honestly I’m enjoying the alone time. It’s the problems that come up and the stress it puts on my marriage. With depression casting it’s ugly shadow across every situation, it’s very easy to become despondent.

Why did we do this? It’s never going to work. I was stupid for trying.

Dark thoughts sneak into your head. Thoughts so dark that you are taken back by the fact that it came from within your head and not from some episode of Walking Dead.

I don’t have any wise words of advice, or happy bright outlook on the future for this post. Sorry. So why did I write it? Because it’s what I felt compelled to do. Yes, I’m airing my dirty laundry for the world to see. Yes, some people will be offended or made uncomfortable. I know these things. Too often people with depression hide behind a smile and pretend. I’m not good at pretending.

I could filter every photo and post to show how awesome my new life is and give you the Instagram version; where the truth is just to the right of the cropped picture, but I cannot.

I chose this adventure and I’m sticking to it. It sucks right now, because depression decided to barge in and take a seat right on my head. I’ll get through it eventually.

The moral of this story? Hell, I don’t know. Just do me a favor and talk about depression more. It’s real, I’m real, you are real, and if we can all be adults and talk about our struggles without judgement and trite advice we’d all be better off.