Declining Love’s Worth.

Muhamad Fauzan—
Nov 4 · 2 min read

My worth is way higher than Love’s.

Photo by Josep Pines on Unsplash

“One day I turned off the light, but it didn’t go dark.”

The words up above could be defined as many as one from your perspective but if I have to define it from mine it would be,

“The darkness I have turned and given into, I am it.”

I am actually suffering from chronic boredom because of my lack of emotional response to most things in life. Countless times, people that I’ve met told me that I am kind and caring towards but what if what they were all trying to say has been proven wrong?

Would you care if all the things that I have done were just an act to be a normal-looking like one within the society? all the things that I have become and I have done, to Love and to fall specially to be accepted for someone who is not actually me as the real one that exists but to become others.

They said that Love is a rare, crazy and utterly beautiful ride, full of ups and downs, hills and valleys, intensities and calmer times and I would like to believe that Love is actually the peak of humankind’s potential to feel.

Sacrificing something, abandoning your personal life to be with the significant other is truly one of my dreams that I am still seeking for but none as for the results so far sadly.

As for the present me — that still seeks for the experience and definition, I also have tried to be less half-dead or probably just acting for one’s ego to be seen as normal.

— Again a question emerged from one to another,

“What if you cannot feel what you always wanted to feel?”

I have tried — countless times to manage myself to fall for others yet the results are none other than failure. It was memorable indeed but not as in memorable in feeling more like the attachments that I have created before came from the time of spending and knowing someone’s true self not from the sincerity but from objectivity and might be from subjectivity.

I am tired.

I even write Love stories, pretending to know Love more than any other people and I also write poets from other people Love experience. it was one way or another for me to know and to learn and also to hope that I’m learning something.

Yet, Is it a good thing if looking for something or someone to fill the void? that, I cannot comprehend enough because of the limitations of my knowledge that I possessed.

All I know is, I am tired but I have no excuse to stop looking —

Looking for something or someone to fill the lingering void.

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