Or “Some Simple Steps on How to Amass Your Own HUGE Clap Fortune”

“What is the sound of two hands not clapping?” (Pic by Drew Hays on Unsplash)

In the beginning there were likes and you were free to like whatever you wanted and just go on with your day. Maybe you would like one thing and then another thing but of course, not that thing. You could like away, or not like as you saw fit. And life was simple. Likes were easy because you knew what you liked and what you didn’t. It was simple micro-economics.

But then you were graced with the ability to clap — and given a huge Economic Social Media Stimulus package: 50 claps! Your wealth and spending power became almost limitless. You were a titan of social media status with virtual riches that were the envy of the other 99%.

The things you could do with 50 claps! One here, five here, maybe, for some odd reason, 17 here. One time maybe you flexed your Social Media Wealth and Power and clapped away like a drunken sailor at a dive bar, spending all the claps in your pocket like there was no tomorrow. 50 claps, disappeared into the ether, just like that. You knew you might have regrets in the morning, but hey, you only live once, right?

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When you can’t bear spending your claps

But then your better senses prevailed and you started thinking about those rainy days. Started saving your claps, you know, just in case.

Perhaps you might look at a story with thousands of claps and think to yourself, “I’m not going to fall for that preposterous profligacy like all those other squandering spendthrifts. I’ll hit the clap button one, maybe three times.”

You, my friend, are a savvy shopper indeed. That’s 47 claps right there saved to your clap-currency account!

Maybe the Law of Diminishing Returns kicked in and you just grew tired of clapping. Lost the joy from overuse, like that time you gorged on pinkberry passion mango until you never wanted to see it again. That happens.

You never know when those extra claps might be needed. Shakespeare might post a new sonnet or maybe Beethoven would finally finish that symphony. DaVinci might come out with a new meme. And there you would be, with all those unspent claps — ready to shower them with well-deserved applause.

But in the meantime, what to do with those extra claps you’ve been saving? Invest in bitcoin? Block chains are complicated and virtual currency is erratic. Be wise. Spend those extra claps on something good.

Maybe you fancy some bespoke suits in Beverly Hills or a nice ostrich jacket? Perhaps you have your eye on Ben Carson’s dining set? Or a private secure telephone booth for your own interior department? Maybe just invite the gang over to sip Champagne Popsicles and laugh at the poors.

Spend those saved claps on whatever you want, friend. The good news is that the more claps you save, the more claps you have, until someday you’ll have amassed an Apple-sized fortune of trillions of saved claps — and wouldn’t that be swell?

Then you can sit around with your three other friends who’ve also scrupulously saved their claps and discuss your huge unspent clap-based fortunes. John Maynard Keynes, heck, what did he know about aggregate demand and its effect on output and inflation? It’s a little-known fact, but Keynes never got more than a couple claps in his whole life and several of those were from his mom.

In the complex Economics of Social Media Attention Metrics, discretionary spending is dangerous, indeed, and a little self-imposed clapping austerity may be just what it takes to accumulate your own huge unspent clap fortune.

Don’t wait to start your clapping-austerity program. Start saving today! Do not clap for this and right there, that’s 50 — count them up on all ten hands — 50 claps that you, my financial clap-savvy friend, have just saved!

And then, my friend, you can one day do great things with all your saved claps. Surely it won’t be long indeed until your own face is pictured on the spanking-new, hot-off-the-presses cover of Forbes Magazine.

Writer (Losing Venice, a novel) & Writing Coach | American abroad | PEN Hemingway Award | ScottStavrou.com | http://bit.ly/LosingVenice

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