Topical Jokes Entry #24

Sean Moran
Aug 25, 2017 · 2 min read

In these posts, I’ll be writing jokes based on recent news events. I’ll be posting them to force myself to keep going with it as I’ve had problems with writing consistently in the past. For a more detailed version of why I’m doing this, go here: https://medium.com/@SeanMoranComedian/why-im-going-to-post-topical-jokes-every-day-13ac05ddbe15

TODDLER IN NEWS STUDIO

During the ITV lunchtime news in the UK, a toddler whose mum was being interviewed took it upon herself to roam around the studio, climbing on the desk and so on. Toddlers are known for having tantrums when they don’t get their own way. We’re used to that on the news already with Donald Trump. Perhaps it was in fact a protest by a member of staff at the lack of crèche facilities. It just shows that if you want to break into the media world, you have to start early. They tend to get rid of female newsreaders as they get older so if she wants a lengthy career in front of the cameras she has to start now. It was very funny, but it just shows that the news has dumbed down over the years. I remember the fuss that resulted from Kirsty Young perching on the desk when reading the news on Channel 5. Now we have people climbing on them. The toddler’s older brother was in the studio as well but he was paid more. Alistair Stewart who was presenting at the time handled it very well and a had a good rapport with the youngster. He’ll be offered a slot reading the story on Cbeebies.

24.8.17

CHURCH BUYS PUB

A church has bought a struggling pub and is now in charge of running it. It will be cheaper to run than other pubs. They’ll be able to just turn the water into wine. Apparently, punters don’t pay at the bar. You queue up for a sip of a pint and then someone comes round with a collection plate. It’s definitely the first time a church has been associated with happy hour. Overall, church attendances have been decreasing over the years. Maybe they’re hoping sceptical people will be more susceptible to the word of God if they’re pissed. They do have a jukebox but it’s just hymns.

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Sean Moran

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Comedian | Writer | Parent | Napper

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