“Is this why I feel anxious as an adult?”
Here’s what I’ve found:
Traumatic experiences are often the stressful trials from which your greatest strengths emerge. Yes, baggage isn’t the only thing that comes from trauma. I have seen the dramatic experience and difficulties shape what becomes overdeveloped (strengths) and underdeveloped (areas for improvement) in individuals.
For example, if you were ever the last kid picked up, this could’ve been dramatic. If it was not stressful, there is a good chance you model/repeat this behavior in your adult life. However, if this was dramatic, aka traumatic, (“all drama is trauma”) you probably work hard so this never happens again, a standard unresolved trauma response. I call this response “the answer.” The “answer” being an adaptive or helpful solution one comes up with to manage the difficult feelings, thoughts, sensations, and/or situations (i.e. always being on time so my kids don’t feel that way)
Many people return to the “answer” in future situations, regardless whether it’s still helpful. Typically, such a response is an attempt to control one's present.
Thus, you may see those who were the last kid picked up, having thoughts: “I hate this” or “I am never going to do this to my kids” or “I guess I am not important enough or lovable” or even “no one cares about me.” These negative beliefs can emerge from or be reinforced by this trauma. Thus, you may see adults who become “the never late adult” defined by always being on time and planning for deadlines way in advance.
The double edged sword of this is that same person may experience unnecessary anxiety, excessive worry, or negative self talk when late or just “cutting it close.”
Therefore, if you’re late, you’re NOT a bad parent, you are just late, you are just HUMAN.
I hope you learn from your past, that you may wield the double edge sword, forged in your trauma, effectively in the present, while avoiding unnessary wounds to self and others.
“How your Past Affects your Present” Series 1 Episode 1
