Openness

You know, I always begin with the premise that I have tried to deal with my personal issues in a more pleasant or in a rather healthier way. Do I often succeed? Well we all know the answer to that question. One particular thing that I have is I ultimately refuse to be open. Every time I somewhat crack my wounds out in the open, all the time I speak of genuine dilemmas that are affecting me, I can’t help but feel even more distant to the person I decide to share this rather vital information. It’s like I expressed myself in foreign gestures, awkward glances, and above all my heart screams from the inside, telling me over and over again through its senseless beating that I’ve been an idiot for saying this and that. Another peculiar trait about myself is I tend to view my humanness as synonymous to idiocy. Go figure.

Nevertheless, I communicate. I do. I talked about my hopes and fears, no matter how empty it makes me feel in the end. Others at a point just get tired of my existential ramblings. One can surmise that they can’t relate for the simple reason that they are probably not going through existential crises of their own but that’s an unfair insinuation. Everyone is somehow in a middle of a personal crisis. That’s the world we’re living in today. That’s the nature of life to some extent. Some of us believe in a perfect world: We can end all wars, we can end all sufferings, we can become one happy humane entity. Those are great aspirations. But get this: Did you know we are currently experiencing the worst refugee migration since WWII? Did you know there’s 40 years of compiling data indicating tax evasion from top government officials that we, the people, once trusted? Also did you know that even American politics has become the stage in which certain candidates promote their nefarious views/comments? So much for openness.

To be perfectly blunt and open, we are in some deep shit. We’re all aware of that. So whether you decide to talk about it or not is your prerogative. Although my openness sometimes makes me feel irrelevant, it’s always good to let close people know what’s going on so that your life isn’t that estranged or your death does not come as a surprise.

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